Last night as I was reading an article in a local newspaper and a piece of advice that my mom shared with me came flooding back into my mind.
This article was written by a friend of mine who is making a big transition in her life. When I saw the article I felt no sense of surprise about what I was reading. Instead, I felt a huge sense of pride for her. It was just over a year ago that a group of girlfriends were getting drinks together, talking about life and she began to have tears in her eyes about her career. Something had shifted. Something was different, and "right where she belonged" wasn't the feeling she had anymore.
As I sat there listening to her, my heart broke but also held so much hope for her. My inner cheerleader kicked it into high gear. The reason why it did so is most likely because at that time I was feeling exactly what she was feeling. For those close to me and those I work with, it's not secret that the last year was one of high stress, many unknowns and a roller coaster of emotions. So, as we sat there with our friend I felt like I was seeing a part of me in her.
A few weeks after that night out, I talked to her on the phone. She shared more about what her visions were for her life and a bit of the uncertainty around those visions. I shared mine with her as well. We both were in a place of discontent, but not quite fully invested in the idea of where to go next. Neither of us realized when hanging up the phone that it was this particular conversation that prompted me to dive deeper into my Health Coaching which led me to enroll and complete a certification program.
Last night when I read that article, I realized that was just a little over a year ago. That's it-- just one year ago we were two lost souls talking on the phone trying to find our way. Now look. She's on to the next big adventure and I'm getting more and more into my groove of helping people by doing exactly what I love. I don't know about her, but lost is certainly not the feeling I'm facing anymore.
My mom's words came to me as I reflected on this journey. "The time is going to pass anyway." This is a statement my mom shared with me when I was debating several years ago about whether or not I should go to Graduate school. It was a financial commitment, and more than that, a huge time commitment. In my heart I knew without a doubt this is what I wanted to accomplish. But my brain started making excuses... "It's going to cost money. I won't be able to spend as much time with my friends. I will have to spend my nights doing homework." Doubt, doubt, doubt. Fear, fear, fear. Then, my mom said to me "the time is going to pass anyway so if this is something you want to do, do it now."
She was so right. In the beginning, two years of grad school seemed like a huge commitment. Sitting there on the last day of class, I couldn't believe how quickly it flew by. I survived the homework, the bills and the classes. I made some really awesome friends in the process too.
Fast forward to the present time, and the same has occurred. I was scared to commit to a Health Coaching certification program. It was a financial investment. It was right before our wedding. It was while working full time. But, my mom's words came back to me.... "the time is going to pass anyway." So, squashing those doubts and the fears and I enrolled. I committed to it. I worked hard, and here I am.
Sometimes it feels like it's going to take forever to get what we want. Sometimes it doesn't fee like we've hardly made any progress at all. But in reading my friend's article last night it occurred to me that the last year of both of our lives is just a snapshot in time and the girls we were on the phone then are not the girls we are now.
If there is something your heart is being called to do, explore it. Find out more. Recognize if it makes you feel alive, excited and energized. If it does, girlfriend, you better go for it! That desire in your heart is only going to grow bigger and bigger... and you guessed it... the time is going to pass anyway.
Have you ever left the doctor's office feeling overwhelmed, a little lost, or even defeated?
We go in for a check-up, we learn something new about ourselves that we likely didn't want to, then the doctor makes recommendations for us to make changes.
They say it like it's just so easy. "You just have to cut out _____ (insert food group here). Here is a brochure."
We leave the doctor's office with the feeling of "this is it. No more. This time I NEED to make a change."
Then, somehow in that time between getting in your car, driving home, and walking into the house you sit on the couch wondering "what next?"
That's what happened to me when I went to the doctor for one of our first prenatal visits. I left with a 30-item to do list and a bag full of resources that I'm pretty sure weighed 12 pounds. When I got home, the bag sat there and the to-do list got mixed in with the rest of my lists. It was all too much. I didn't even know where to start.
Recently, one of my new coaching clients went to the doctor's office and had a similar experience. She was surprised to see the scale, the number was higher than she'd seen in a long time. She felt down when she saw that... like she just got punched in the stomach.
She also KNEW this time was going to be different. This is IS different.
When she went to the doctor's office this time she wasn't in a place of feeling defeated and lost. She was in a place of feeling in control, planful and ready to take action. Sure, the number on the scale took a second to absorb, but it didn't ruin her day.
Her doctor appointment was in between our first and second session. We'd already laid the groundwork of really putting our finger on what was slowing her down from making progress and identified what it was that led to this place of being the highest weight she'd seen on the scale.
We then came up with a plan. I shared with her a system to make changes... a system that is 110% customized and unique for her.
We then made some powerful goals. These goals we made are ones she is excited about. How do I know that? Because I listen to her. I HEAR her. What was an original idea for a goal was paired with a dull tone in her voice. After digging deeper and asking some questions her goals changed in the slightest and there was power & excitement in her voice. THAT is how I know the goals we set are right for her.
Instead of walking out of the doctor's office last week asking herself "how the heck am I going to cut out wheat from my diet?" (per doctor recommendation) she left feeling okay about it.
She left knowing she has a coach ready to help her shift from feeling overwhelmed about this fairly big lifestyle change. She left knowing she was ALREADY taking action to make changes in her life, and now she had more specific information about exactly what needed to change.
In sharing her doctor news with me, we met it in a place of "Okay, we can do this. What do we need to do in order for you to not feel deprived? What can we do to make this change last for good?"
What's one lifestyle change you've been recommended to make and it just felt like "TOO MUCH"?
Connect with me about it. You don't need to feel overwhelmed. You CAN make this change and you WILL feel amazing!
** side note: This client has already lost 3 pounds**
**I realize in sharing my opinion, I open up the opportunity for people to share their opinions or arguments with my opinions with me as well. This post is to explain my thought process journey of someone judging from the outside to someone now living the experience and learning from it.**
At nearly 23 weeks pregnant, this morning I had a thought in my workout class that made it all just click. You see, before being pregnant I would only form my opinions about working out during pregnancy purely from observations and what I read, not experience. Now that I'm in it, it's a little more clear to me.
My ah-ha moment this morning was:
Working out during pregnancy is more of mental game than it's ever been before.
Not only do I want to move in a way that feels good physically, but also in a way that I'm comfortable with mentally, and in a way that doesn't create anxiety. Let me explain...
I strongly believe in moving in a way that feels good. Before becoming pregnant, it would feel frustrating to me when I would hear of pregnant women not getting any form of exercise at all. My thoughts were "can't you just go for a walk?" On the other hand, it would also frustrate me when seeing women who would appear to be pushing it to their max well into their pregnancy. My thoughts were "How selfish. What impact does you pushing yourself this hard have on your baby?"
Looking back, I realize that was just me judging from the outside (yes, I admit it!) without having my own experiences to draw from. Now I get it. Now my thoughts on this topic are a bit more clear.
We all have a baseline from where we start. As someone who has built a pretty solid foundation (that I'm so thankful for) of working out consistently and moving in a way that challenges my body daily, working out while pregnant doesn't feel like something I'm struggling to continue with. What has been a struggle, however, is adjusting how hard I workout.
Lately my mental state is driving my workouts more than my physical state. I'm sure I could push it harder in my workouts if I really wanted to. Physically, I know I could do more jumping, and move a little quicker. Mentally, I don't want to.
You could tell me it's fine and it's safe and everything will be okay, but at the end of the day I'm going to choose what feels right for me. I don't want to jump a lot. I don't want to do fast moves. I don't want to lift really heavy. Why? Because it doesn't feel comfortable for me mentally.
In one of my pregnancy books, "Girlfriends Guide To Pregnancy" I read something that helped it all make sense. This book isn't a scientifically based book, it's more so one girlfriend talking to another about pregnancy, so please take my takeaways from it as just that. Basically the book states that nature is doing something amazing to your body. And, the human body is amazing in knowing exactly what to do. When we work to contract our muscles, maintain our previous fitness levels and fight against the amazing thing that's happening to us in a way to control our exterior physical state we are essentially fighting against nature. This in turn could create a more complicated delivery as our body has gotten used to fighting nature instead of giving in to it.
Instead of fighting against the miracle that nature has created in my body, I'm trying to lean into what's occurring. Instead of being fearful of what my body will look like after pregnancy and how long it will take, or how hard it will be to get "back to normal" I'm choosing to *try* to surrender to the process.
Is pushing my workouts to the max, getting red in the face and lifting heavier than I did before worth the anxiety that may come with what I'm doing to my body during this time while its working hard growing a human? No. To me, it doesn't feel worth it. Before I would workout without consequences, however now it's not just me that's impacted by my workouts, but our baby too.
Before becoming pregnant I wasn't doing Crossfit, lifting heavy and doing box jumps everyday. Why would I start that now? On the other hand, I wasn't sitting on my butt all the time. I worked out at least 5 days a week. So, why would I stop that now?
For this morning's workout, I didn't finish all four rounds prescribed like the "old me" would have. That's okay. I modified like crazy, because it's what felt right. I moved slower with intention and took several water breaks. I showed up and moved without any expectation or goal to finish in a certain time. I did what I could and left feeling physically pushed and mentally okay. Truly, that's all I'm striving for right now, and I'm good with that.
We are each different. We each have a starting baseline and varying comfort levels. What's right for me might not be right for you.... and what matters most is doing what feels good for YOU.
But today let's stay focused on the word "WILLPOWER."
We as humans naturally don't like being told what to do. We like to rebel. We like to be independent and do what we want. Wait?! Is that just me? Is that just my Taurus, bull-headed personality? Maybe that drives my rebellion a little further, but to be honest we all have some part of us that is like "don't tell me what to do!"
Think of a little kid. Try telling them what to do and see how well that goes. It's something that is a part of us from a young age.
And, you know what?! There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. Instead of seeing it as a problem or a weakness, I want to help you shift how to look at is as strength.
So, back to the statement "I need to work on my willpower." To me, that statement feels like there is something wrong with me, that there's an area of my life where I'm lacking or you need to improve, like I'm being told from an external source that there is something that you need to make myself better. It's a comparison-- I don't measure up like so and so. Or it can also be considered a term of endearment. "Look at ______, she's been looking fabulous lately! She must have really strong willpower." It implies that we are taking action because of negativity, not self-love or positivity.
But what if you're already really awesome? What if you know you are capable? What if you know you have strength to make good choices?
So, you might be saying "Okay, Kelly... so what's your genius idea to remove the word "willpower" from my vocabulary."
I want you to think about a word or statement that is empowering.
To me, that word is CHOICE. Notice what happens to your body when you say "I am capable of making choices that will make me feel good."
What do you feel? Lighter? Empowered? Excited? Motivated?
So today, I challenge you to identify a term you are using that doesn't feel good, and find a way to flip it into an empowering word or phrase.
YOU are CAPABLE of taking amazing ACTION!
To set up breakthrough session with me to talk about your goals and vision for your life, check out my calendar and find a time that works for both of us! I want to hear your goals, that big vision you have and help you identify ways to breakthrough those barriers!
Excuses. Low confidence. Second guessing. Stuck in a funk. Fear of failing. Not feeling "good enough" These are all things I've dealt with and I'm willing to bet you have to.
You know what, though?
Once I started just freakin' taking action things started to shift. My mindset started to change, I figured what is the worst that could happen and I just decided to start trying things. One of the best ways to gain confidence is to take action. MAybe I still get those fears but I don't let them stop me.
That's right-- do something-- one thing, you're nervous about doing and just freakin' do it!
It doesn't need to be nutrition or fitness related.
To help get the juices flowing, I'll give you an example.
Several years ago I purchased a nice Cannon camera because I LOVE taking photos and think there is just something magical about the treasure of a photo. When all is said and done, when our loved ones are gone and the "good times" fly by, having those photos are sometimes the only thing we can really hold on to. I would always think to myself that I was meant to be a photographer in another life. But then I realized, why not this life? Why not now?
So, fast forward several years and that camera that I used my hard-earned tax refund money on was just collecting dust. Sure I would use it from time to time, but I just wasn't sure how to use it. I wasn't confident with all those buttons, I didn't know how to operate it and just kept it on "automatic mode." I might as well have just stuck with using my iPhone.
But I really wanted to STOP having low-confidence with my camera. I wanted to overcome that fear of all those crazy buttons. I wanted to create beautiful images that so many other photographers capture as well. So, this spring I did it. I signed up for a photography class.
Pulling the trigger was both exciting and nerve racking. Once I signed up I wanted to start NOW because I was so excited, but it also made me nervous for several reasons. What if I'm in class with people who are really good? What if I spend all this time going to the class and then I just go back to "life as is" and don't use anything that I learned in this class?
So, instead of letting my nervousness and fears decrease my excitement for this course, I acknowledged them, decided that I'll figure it out as I go and used them to help me set up a plan. Now, fast forward a few months to when the class actually starts. The first week we learn about the three functionalities that are essential to getting off automatic mode. Our assignment for the week was to then go out, practice our new skills, take photos and then bring a few prints to class the next week to critique.
My first thoughts were "Woah, this is getting really real. We're actually applying our so-called skills." So, that week I set out on a mission and snapped a ton of pictures. I'll tell you it wasn't easy. Getting the light just right was a challenge and don't even get me started on my focus struggles. Come week two of the class and I bring in my images with my head hanging low. My pictures weren't the best in class, and in fact there were a few that I actually felt a little embarrassed about.
These are some of my raw, unedited photos that I took after class number one. While they're a start and I'm proud of that, I know now what TLC is required to make these images better.
But you know what? In reviewing those images I learned so much about what I could have done better, what went wrong in capturing that image, and how I can take control of my camera better next time to produce a quality image. It was like those so-called "bad" photos were just what I needed to become a little more fearless. I honestly don't think I would have learned as much had they turned out perfect in my first round of practicing. The light bulbs started going off in my head, "now I know what I need to do to fix this, that and the other." Had I hid my images from the teacher, I wouldn't have learned the lessons I now know to fix them. Had I not taken action, I wouldn't have any proof that I tried.
These are some of my raw, unedited photos that I took after class number two. A bit better than week two!
I signed up for the class without much knowledge of my camera. I did it anyway. I took some pictures and they turned out crappy. I took more anyway. It was through just taking action, just pulling the trigger that I gained confidence. Through my struggles I learned what I can do better next time... and that made me feel good.
Even if the the outcome isn't the way we envisioned it right away, it will get there. After class I set one small goal. The goal isn't even to practice using my camera each day, it was to leave my camera out. When it's visible I'll be more likely to use it. The more I use it, the more confident I become with it. It's through this process that I get closer to my vision of capturing the treasures of all that surrounds me. I'm still learning as I go, but I'm trying and practicing. I'm getting more comfortable with my camera through practice. The more comfortable I'm getting, the higher my camera-confidence is soaring.
These are some of my raw, unedited photos that I took after the class was completed. Each click of the camera brings more practice, confidence and treasures to last forever.
Are you looking to set some goals that ignite your soul and want to create confidence through action? Stay tuned as I will be sharing more about the "Just One Thing" program launch and accountability group coming soon!
Two weeks ago I saw this picture and I cringed. I almost deleted it from my phone.
Upon first glance of seeing this photo I was frustrated. “Why do my legs look so bumpy? In the front?? Cellulite is only supposed to be in the back? Why did I decide to wear shorts? Did I look like that the whole day? I should have worn pants… totally should have worn pants.”
Then, it occurred to me there is actually so much to celebrate about this photo, aside from the actual moment itself where me and my baseball man were celebrating a pretty awesome victory. The thing to celebrate goes beyond the image.
I want to celebrate the fact that shorts are being worn. I have always struggled with how my legs looked. Just a few years ago I would not be caught dead wearing shorts. Even if I were wearing them and looked confident with that choice on the outside, on the inside I was fidgeting and insecure. Not only did I think that my legs were so “fat” they are so terribly pale as well. Well, thanks to sunless tanner that is an easy fix (and let’s be honest…a little fake sun never hurt nobody!). And the idea that they “look fat” is just silly.
I want to celebrate what my legs can do. They’re strong, they take me places, they are always there for me when I need them. They can help me bring two bags of groceries up there stairs instead of one, and they I can squat heavy weights. They’re a blessing to have, regardless of how they look.
Even though there is much to celebrate, I still have my moments. But the thing that is different today is that I don’t let those cringe moments define me, bring me down, or change my perspective. The old me would have just felt like total crap after seeing that picture and probably would have gone for a run. But the me today is different, the me today saw it, had those thoughts and then just moved forward from that moment. When it comes down to it, those are my legs and that’s just how they look. I’m fine with it and the only one who really needs to be fine with it is me.
I created this platform to help others who have those same cringe moments too. Even though I show up here often to deliver a message of inspiration, empowerment or offer some form of nutrition and fitness advice, I still struggle. After many ups and downs in my own journey I still cringe at some pictures that I take of my body.
Today I’m not focused on the results, but rather the journey. I’m in the middle of a workout program that makes me feel strong, that challenges me and is like nothing I’ve ever done before. Sure I have goals to make tweaks here and there with my physique, but overall those aren’t what drive me to stick to this each day. What pushes me to stay consistent is how it makes me feel… and the coolest feeling of all is that I’m fine with a picture of my legs that don’t look quite how I pictured them to be.
That little, yellow, meaningless flower. The one that people call a weed. That was what made me cry today. The tears caught me off guard a little. I was just driving home from an errand in my car in the middle of the day. The song that was playing had no sentimental meaning. I just saw some dandelions and I cried.
Dandelions make me think of my dad. Well, really, dandelions make me think of my good friend and I know that's what makes her think of my dad. It was our junior year of high school. Amber came to my house to pick me up and we were going to pick out our flowers for prom. Leave it to my dad to always make a silly joke and say something that typically would make me shake my head. This time in particular, I didn't really pay much attention to what he said (what 16 year old actually pays attention to their parents?!) but Amber just started cracking up in the car on our way into town. "Your dad is so funny!" I was like "Oh jeez... why? What did he say now?" "He said we should save our money and just pick all those dandelions in the ditch for our flowers."
I still to this day don't really think that comment was overly comical, but I enjoy the reaction it created for my friend and the memory we now share. It truly represents my Dad's character. Just a silly guy looking to get a good chuckle out of people. Often times we would tease him for the goofy things he would say or do, but in reality it was admirable. Above all else, he always wanted to make people feel good. Even if it came at the cost of telling a barely funny joke. Amber can always smile now when she too sees dandelions. She can think of my dad and his big, kind heart. He had the ability of turning a weed into something beautiful.
Tomorrow, May 4th, marks eight months since the day I found out that I wouldn't get another birthday hug or text from my dad. It was the day so many of our worlds changed... most of all, my Mom's. This loss has been the biggest heartbreak I've ever had, and at the same time the biggest lesson life has ever given me.
In just a few days I turn a new age. No longer will I be in my 20's. I'll be entering the unknown of the big 3-0. To be honest, I'm really excited to turn that age... but just like most birthdays, this one in particular has me thinking about a lot. I've been fortunate to have an awesome life thus far, and know that great things are ahead. But, at the same time it hurts my heart and sometimes makes me feel bad. I'm mad that I have to celebrate another year without getting a hug, phone call, or text from him. I'm mad that while I'm not a young child that has lost their parent, this age is still too young to lose someone so important. I was never one to know what kind of ring I wanted, what type of dress I'd wear, or what the colors would be. The one and only thing I thought about for our wedding day was, "I wonder what sort of speech my Dad will say." I'm mad he won't get to hold our kids, wrestle around with them on the floor, or be the voice of reason when I feel like I've had it with one or all of them. Every girl needs her dad.
But wishing won't make it better, it won't make him come back, and it won't fill that void. Although I sometimes get mad and sad about things, I try to keep in mind the things he has taught us. Be kind to others. Make yourself look silly to make someone else smile. And for goodness sake... see the beauty in the dandelions. Heck, it'll even save ya a buck or two.
Today marks the longest time I have ever gone without seeing my dad. I think that thought often, as the longest amount of time I ever went without seeing him was maybe two months. Yesterday makes it five months and a day since he passed away.
Life does not prepare one for this loss, and honestly if there was a manual available like "How To Prepare For Your Perfectly Healthy Dad's Unexpected Death" I certainly wouldn't be buying it. I, like most people, live in the belief that things like that don't happen to me. During the last five months, the one thing that life has taught is that we are completely out of control. Sure, we can control what we eat, what we wear, the attitude we choose for that day, and many of the choice we make but when it comes right down to it we don't control when we go, and how.
A loss like this recently happened to another unsuspecting family, only it was their son. As I've been thinking about this family, I think back to "the week of Dad's stuff" (that's what I call the week of Dad's passing to his funeral). While one cannot compare the loss of a dad to the loss of a son, I can relate to the feeling of a shocking, unexpected, "freak accident" type of loss.
As I've been thinking about this, I realized one thing that helped me a lot was to know that I wasn't alone. That someone else had gone through this sudden loss too, that someone else hurt as bad as we all did, but seems to be "doing fine" today. I needed honesty from others who have been through this.
Yesterday morning I just couldn't sleep anymore, couldn't stop thinking of this family. So, I wrote them a letter. I've been going back and forth of if its appropriate to share this letter or not. Like am I making it about me and about my loss? I was strongly debating on if I should share it with the family when I got a sign. I stumbled upon a video of a gal who just lost her sister. In the video she talked about how sharing is healing, and sharing can help others through a tough loss. So, I've decided to share my letter with the family... and I'm sharing a modified version of it with you too.
The thought I keep going back to is "even if just one bullet point helps one person, then it was worth the send." So, here are a few things that I have learned in the last five months:
Lately, something has been on my mind that's been bothering me... it wasn't until today that the light bulb finally went off in my head and I figured out what the bother really was.
A few weeks ago I got together for dinner with one of my really good friends. We were just catching up and getting re-acquainted after not seeing each other for a month or two. Thankfully, we have the type of friendship where this just comes natural so it really didn't take long at all, and we can also be honest right away if something is bothering us. It's almost as if we have a sister-like relationship. It was while we were sitting there chatting and munching on some appetizers that something surprising happened. My friend called me skinny. The thing that was surprising to me wasn't so much that she called me skinny, as I know she intended for it to be a compliment. What caught me off guard was my own reaction to that comment and my inability to take it as a compliment. I just didn't know what to say... it felt odd to me, but I couldn't put my finger on why.
I reacted in a way that a bratty sister would, rather than a way that a friend being told a compliment would. I'm always one to preach "just say thank you" when you are told a compliment. In this moment I couldn't say thanks. I was "that girl" who was saying "Stop it. I am not skinny. You should see the junk I ate over the holidays." Eventually I was honest with her and said that being called skinny felt odd and made me a little uncomfortable. All in all, it was just a strange moment and we moved on to different topics in our conversation.
That night I came home and told my fiance about our conversation and pondered out loud why it just struck me as uncomfortable to be called skinny. I was just stuck on figuring out why I couldn't take the compliment. As confused as I was, my fiance was even more bewildered, saying "Boy, I'm glad I'm not a girl. I do NOT get it."
When he said that I laughed and thought to myself... "I know... I don't get it either."
It wasn't until today, weeks later, that I figured out why I couldn't say thanks, and why I felt odd. To be honest, it's because being skinny isn't the goal I have when I think about working out, eating healthy and being active. It isn't what I'm striving for, so when I was told that, it didn't feel complimentary. Above that, it is never my intent on this blog or in anything I share that I want to promote being skinny over feeling good.
I figured out it was a sudden sense of fear that I felt that made it impossible for me to graciously take something that was meant to be a compliment. It's not that I don't like to hear those things, but in a world where all we are are images of fit, thin people as the image to aspire for I became afraid that was the message I was putting out there myself. I was fearful that being called skinny made it seem as though that was what I valued when I encourage people to make exercise a consistent action, and to put healthy foods in their bodies.
Sure, it feels great to feel really good in the skin I'm in and to have clothes fit decently. But my hope is that the messaging I put out there goes deeper than that. Why can't compliments be more along the lines of "You look like you're feeling great"? Because isn't that what we are all really striving for anyway? To that I would confidently say "I am! Thank you!" in a heartbeat.
Early yesterday morning I was texting with a friend. We are both in an online course all about confidence that started earlier this week. We didn't talk about doing this together. In fact, four days in is when I found out that she too was in it.
As we were exchangning messages back and forth regarding the course content, she asked me a good question that I hadn't even asked myself yet. "What's been going on with you that made you want to take this course?"
My answer to her was: "I've just been wanting to take it..... I actually feel pretty confident in general, so it's almost more of a tool for me to talk to those who are dealing with low confidnce... "
We continued on with our conversation a bit, then I noticed the time and saw I better hop in the shower. As I was getting ready to shower, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I noticed things... "post-holiday" things, you might say. There I was staring at myself in the mirror, picking myself apart just after I had told my friend I was actually pretty confident.
What a line of bullshit I fed her, right?!
Well, as I thought it through more, I began to wonder. Am I really that confident? How can I tell her I am when I was just picking myself apart in the mirror? I mean, I definitely have insecurities. Things scare me. Certain settings scare me. Putting myself out there scares me. Hitting 'publish' on this blog post is going to scare me.
So, if I have these insecurities and was just critiquing myself in the mirror, can I really boldy say "I AM CONFIDENT"?
I was getting insecure that I wasn't as confident as I thought I was! Like, how can I tell someone I'm confident and then second guess myself from time to time? Is that really confidence??
It wasn't until later in the day that I read something that was a slap-in-the-face answer to my ponderings. Of course, this answer came in the form of an e-mail from Steph's confidence course.
"Being confident doesn’t mean you cease to have insecurities. If you're waiting for that to happen, you'll be waiting forever. Being confident means you stop letting your insecurities control you."
That was it! I could see the lightbulb go off in my head, and a sense of relief rush over me. Yes, I AM confident! How? Because I have insecurities, but rather than letting them control me in a negative way, I use them to push forward.
This may or may not come as a surprise to you, but I don't like being told what to do. Call it stubborn, call it Irish temper, call it matching my Taurus sign... but it's true. I prefer to do things on my own time, in my own way. So, to say that I'm going to let my insecurities tell me what to do would be absurd. The only person that is going to be the boss of me is ME!
If I let my insecurities control me I wouldn't feel as awesome as I do most days. I wouldn't be writing this blog post. I probably wouldn't have the job I have. I wouldn't do things that have been outside of my comfort zone like move halfway across the country, be a member of Toastmasters, teach spinning class, or start my Live Well With Kell coaching business.
If I let my insecurities control me, I would be hiding my gifts. That would be as unfair to you as it would be to me.
I have insecurities, but I am confident too.