Excuses. Low confidence. Second guessing.  Stuck in a funk.  Fear of failing.  Not feeling "good enough" These are all things I've dealt with and I'm willing to bet you have to.  

You know what, though? 

Once I started just freakin' taking action things started to shift.  My mindset started to change, I figured what is the worst that could happen and I just decided to start trying things.  One of the best ways to gain confidence is to take action.  MAybe I still get those fears but I don't let them stop me. 

That's right-- do something-- one thing, you're nervous about doing and just freakin' do it! 

It doesn't need to be nutrition or fitness related.

To help get the juices flowing, I'll give you an example.  

Several years ago I purchased a nice Cannon camera because I LOVE taking photos and think there is just something magical about the treasure of a photo.  When all is said and done, when our loved ones are gone and the "good times" fly by, having those photos are sometimes the only thing we can really hold on to. I would always think to myself that I was meant to be a photographer in another life.  But then I realized, why not this life? Why not now? 

So, fast forward several years and that camera that I used my hard-earned tax refund money on was just collecting dust.  Sure I would use it from time to time, but I just wasn't sure how to use it.  I wasn't confident with all those buttons, I didn't know how to operate it and just kept it on "automatic mode."  I might as well have just stuck with using my iPhone. 

But I really wanted to STOP having low-confidence with my camera.  I wanted to overcome that fear of all those crazy buttons.  I wanted to create beautiful images that so many other photographers capture as well.  So, this spring I did it.  I signed up for a photography class.  

Pulling the trigger was both exciting and nerve racking.  Once I signed up I wanted to start NOW because I was so excited, but it also made me nervous for several reasons.  What if I'm in class with people who are really good? What if I spend all this time going to the class and then I just go back to "life as is" and don't use anything that I learned in this class? 

So, instead of letting my nervousness and fears decrease my excitement for this course, I acknowledged them, decided that I'll figure it out as I go and used them to help me set up a plan.  Now, fast forward a few months to when the class actually starts.  The first week we learn about the three functionalities that are essential to getting off automatic mode.  Our assignment for the week was to then go out, practice our new skills, take photos and then bring a few prints to class the next week to critique.

My first thoughts were "Woah, this is getting really real. We're actually applying our so-called skills." So, that week I set out on a mission and snapped a ton of pictures.  I'll tell you it wasn't easy.   Getting the light just right was a challenge and don't even get me started on my focus struggles.  Come week two of the class and I bring in my images with my head hanging low.  My pictures weren't the best in class, and in fact there were  a few that I actually felt a little embarrassed about. 

These are some of my raw, unedited photos that I took after the class was completed.  Each click of the camera brings more practice, confidence and treasures to last forever.  

Are you looking to set some goals that ignite your soul and want to create confidence through action?  Stay tuned as I will be sharing more about the "Just One Thing" program launch and accountability group coming soon! 

Two weeks ago I saw this picture and I cringed.  I almost deleted it from my phone. 

Upon first glance of seeing this photo I was frustrated.  “Why do my legs look so bumpy? In the front?? Cellulite is only supposed to be in the back? Why did I decide to wear shorts? Did I look like that the whole day? I should have worn pants… totally should have worn pants.”
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Then, it occurred to me there is actually so much to celebrate about this photo, aside from the actual moment itself where me and my baseball man were celebrating a pretty awesome victory.  The thing to celebrate goes beyond the image.

I want to celebrate the fact that shorts are being worn. I have always struggled with how my legs looked.  Just a few years ago I would not be caught dead wearing shorts.  Even if I were wearing them and looked confident with that choice on the outside, on the inside I was fidgeting and insecure.  Not only did I think that my legs were so “fat” they are so terribly pale as well.  Well, thanks to sunless tanner that is an easy fix (and let’s be honest…a little fake sun never hurt nobody!). And the idea that they “look fat” is just silly.
I want to celebrate what my legs can do.  They’re strong, they take me places, they are always there for me when I need them.  They can help me bring two bags of groceries up there stairs instead of one, and they I can squat heavy weights. They’re a blessing to have, regardless of how they look.   

Even though there is much to celebrate, I still have my moments.  But the thing that is different today is that I don’t let those cringe moments define me, bring me down, or change my perspective.  The old me would have just felt like total crap after seeing that picture and probably would have gone for a run.  But the me today is different, the me today saw it, had those thoughts and then just moved forward from that moment.   When it comes down to it, those are my legs and that’s just how they look.  I’m fine with it and the only one who really needs to be fine with it is me.   

I created this platform to help others who have those same cringe moments too.  Even though I show up here often to deliver a message of inspiration, empowerment or offer some form of nutrition and fitness advice, I still struggle.  After many ups and downs in my own journey I still cringe at some pictures that I take of my body.

Today I’m not focused on the results, but rather the journey.  I’m in the middle of a workout program that makes me feel strong, that challenges me and is like nothing I’ve ever done before.  Sure I have goals to make tweaks here and there with my physique, but overall those aren’t what drive me to stick to this each day.  What pushes me to stay consistent is how it makes me feel… and the coolest feeling of all is that I’m fine with a picture of my legs that don’t look quite how I pictured them to be. 

That little, yellow, meaningless flower.  The one that people call a weed.  That was what made me cry today.  The tears caught me off guard a little. I was just driving home from an errand in my car in the middle of the day.  The song that was playing had no sentimental meaning.  I just saw some dandelions and I cried. 

Dandelions make me think of my dad.  Well, really, dandelions make me think of my good friend and I know that's what makes her think of my dad.  It was our junior year of high school.  Amber came to my house to pick me up and we were going to pick out our flowers for prom.  Leave it to my dad to always make a silly joke and say something that typically would make me shake my head.  This time in particular, I didn't really pay much attention to what he said (what 16 year old actually pays attention to their parents?!) but Amber just started cracking up in the car on our way into town.  "Your dad is so funny!" I was like "Oh jeez... why? What did he say now?"  "He said we should save our money and just pick all those dandelions in the ditch for our flowers." 

I still to this day don't really think that comment was overly comical, but I enjoy the reaction it created for my friend and the memory we now share.  It truly represents my Dad's character.  Just a silly guy looking to get a good chuckle out of people.  Often times we would tease him for the goofy things he would say or do, but in reality it was admirable.  Above all else, he always wanted to make people feel good.  Even if it came at the cost of telling a barely funny joke.  Amber can always smile now when she too sees dandelions.  She can think of my dad and his big, kind heart.  He had the ability of turning a weed into something beautiful.  

Tomorrow, May 4th, marks eight months since the day I found out that I wouldn't get another birthday hug or text from my dad.  It was the day so many of our worlds changed... most of all, my Mom's.  This loss has been the biggest heartbreak I've ever had, and at the same time the biggest lesson life has ever given me.  

In just a few days I turn a new age.  No longer will I be in my 20's.  I'll be entering the unknown of the big 3-0.  To be honest, I'm really excited to turn that age... but just like most birthdays, this one in particular has me thinking about a lot.  I've been fortunate to have an awesome life thus far, and know that great things are ahead.  But, at the same time it hurts my heart and sometimes makes me feel bad.  I'm mad that I have to celebrate another year without getting a hug, phone call, or text from him.  I'm mad that while I'm not a young child that has lost their parent, this age is still too young to lose someone so important.   I was never one to know what kind of ring I wanted, what type of dress I'd wear, or what the colors would be.  The one and only thing I thought about for our wedding day was, "I wonder what sort of speech my Dad will say."  I'm mad he won't get to hold our kids, wrestle around with them on the floor, or be the voice of reason when I feel like I've had it with one or all of them.  Every girl needs her dad. 

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But wishing won't make it better, it won't make him come back, and it won't fill that void.  Although I sometimes get mad and sad about things, I try to keep in mind the things he has taught us.  Be kind to others.  Make yourself look silly to make someone else smile.  And for goodness sake... see the beauty in the dandelions.  Heck, it'll even save ya a buck or two. 

Today marks the longest time I have ever gone without seeing my dad.  I think that thought often, as the longest amount of time I ever went without seeing him was maybe two months.  Yesterday makes it five months and a day since he passed away.  

Life does not prepare one for this loss, and honestly if there was a manual available like "How To Prepare For Your Perfectly Healthy Dad's Unexpected Death" I certainly wouldn't be buying it.  I, like most people, live in the belief that things like that don't happen to me.  During the last five months, the one thing that life has taught is that we are completely out of control.  Sure, we can control what we eat, what we wear, the attitude we choose for that day, and many of the choice we make but when it comes right down to it we don't control when we go, and how.  
A loss like this recently happened to another unsuspecting family, only it was their son.  As I've been thinking about this family, I think back to "the week of Dad's stuff" (that's what I call the week of Dad's passing to his funeral).  While one cannot compare the loss of a dad to the loss of a son, I can relate to the feeling of a shocking, unexpected, "freak accident" type of loss.  

As I've been thinking about this, I realized one thing that helped me a lot was to know that I wasn't alone.  That someone else had gone through this sudden loss too, that someone else hurt as bad as we all did, but seems to be "doing fine" today.  I needed honesty from others who have been through this.  

Yesterday morning I just couldn't sleep anymore, couldn't stop thinking of this family.  So, I wrote them a letter.  I've been going back and forth of if its appropriate to share this letter or not.  Like am I making it about me and about my loss?  I was strongly debating on if I should share it with the family when I got a sign. I stumbled upon a video of a gal who just lost her sister.  In the video she talked about how sharing is healing, and sharing can help others through a tough loss.  So, I've decided to share my letter with the family... and I'm sharing a modified version of it with you too. 

The thought I keep going back to is "even if just one bullet point helps one person, then it was worth the send."  So, here are a few things that I have learned in the last five months: 

• It's okay to ask for help.  So many friends and family members care.  They want to check on you, but sometimes don't want to "bug" you.  Ask for help if you need it, they'll be there in the drop of a hat. 
• Your family and friends will amaze you... they LOVE you and it will show. 
• Lean into your faith.  Words, prayers and readings have a whole new meaning now. 
• Look up.  When I look up to the sky  I see Heaven.  Sunsets and sunrises make me cry sometimes... especially the breathtaking ones.  It makes me feel like maybe Heaven isn't so far away. 
• He's with you.  Maybe this is something "silly" we tell ourselves to help get through this, but I truly believe it.  He's with you and you'll have signs... some subtle, some huge.  In my experience, my dad loved eagles.  Since the day he passed, I have seen more eagles than I have in all my 29 years prior.  
• You'll stare out windows & stare at walls.  Sometimes just being in a daze is all you can physically, emotionally and mentally handle. 
• You want the world to stop.  YOUR world has stopped.... so how do you keep going? How do all the cars keep driving, people keep working, and lives continue going? Somehow you find a way. 
• You are stronger than you think.
• Everyone processes this differently. Their way way not be in a way like you, or maybe even in a way that frustrates you.  Remember, everyone has lost and is hurting. 
• You adjust.  I can't say you get better, but you adjust. 
• Those waves of sadness that are constant and huge... the ones that knock the wind of you... those eventually get less frequent and less severe.
• Laughing is okay.  Smiling is good.  I was so afraid to laugh, smile or have fun... afraid that it would mean I forgot him, or that it seemed like I don't care anymore.  He wants you to smile and be happy. 
• Honor him.  Everyday.  Maybe it's something you can physically see in your home that honors him or just how you live day to day.  Live in a way that makes him proud.
• Talk about him.  Share stories and happy memories. 
• The "firsts" are tough.  I'm not just talking about the first holidays and birthdays... I'm talking about all the other ones that you don't expect.  I'll never forget the first time leaving home without my dad there to help load up my car and say bye in the driveway.  I'll never forget the first time talking to my mom on the phone and feeling like I was getting socked in the stomach when I went to say my routine phone conversation line, "well, tell Dad hi." 
• Be with positivity.  Be with people who make you feel good, bring you closer to faith, and make you feel stronger.  If someone says something negative that brings you down, makes you feel worse, or questions your faith, just walk away or change the subject.  This is hard enough, don't be with people or read things that take you down an even tougher path.
• Think about him in Heaven and how amazing it is there.  When I think about us here on Earth and how we have to go on without him, I get sad.  But, when I remind myself of Heaven and how beautiful it must be I smile a little. 
• Don't rush yourself.  It's a process and it's tough. 

 

Lately, something has been on my mind that's been bothering me... it wasn't until today that the light bulb finally went off in my head and I figured out what the bother really was.  

A few weeks ago I got together for dinner with one of my really good friends.  We were just catching up and getting re-acquainted  after not seeing each other for a month or two.  Thankfully, we have the type of friendship where this just comes natural so it really didn't take long at all, and we can also be honest right away if something is bothering us.  It's almost as if we have a sister-like relationship.  It was while we were sitting there chatting and munching on some appetizers that something surprising happened.  My friend called me skinny.  The thing that was surprising to me wasn't so much that she called me skinny, as I know she intended for it to be a compliment.  What caught me off guard was my own reaction to that comment and my inability to take it as a compliment.  I just didn't know what to say... it felt odd to me, but I couldn't put my finger on why.  

I reacted in a way that a bratty sister would, rather than a way that a friend being told a compliment would.  I'm always one to preach "just say thank you" when you are told a compliment.  In this moment I couldn't say thanks.  I was "that girl" who was saying "Stop it.  I am not skinny.  You should see the junk I ate over the holidays."  Eventually I was honest with her and said that being called skinny felt odd and made me a little uncomfortable.   All in all, it was just a strange moment and we moved on to different topics in our conversation.

That night I came home and told my fiance about our conversation and pondered out loud why it just struck me as uncomfortable to be called skinny.  I was just stuck on figuring out why I couldn't take the compliment.  As confused as I was, my fiance was even more bewildered, saying "Boy, I'm glad I'm not a girl.  I do NOT get it." 

When he said that I laughed and thought to myself... "I know... I don't get it either." 

It wasn't until today, weeks later, that I figured out why I couldn't say thanks, and why I felt odd.  To be honest, it's because being skinny isn't the goal I have when I think about working out, eating healthy and being active.  It isn't what I'm striving for, so when I was told that, it didn't feel complimentary. Above that, it is never my intent on this blog or in anything I share that I want to promote being skinny over feeling good.  

I figured out it was a sudden sense of fear that I felt that made it impossible for me to graciously take something that was meant to be a compliment.  It's not that I don't like to hear those things, but in a world where all we are are images of fit, thin people as the image to aspire for I became afraid that was the message I was putting out there myself.  I was fearful that being called skinny made it seem as though that was what I valued when I encourage people to make exercise a consistent action, and to put healthy foods in their bodies.  

Sure, it feels great to feel really good in the skin I'm in and to have clothes fit decently.  But my hope is that the messaging I put out there goes deeper than that.  Why can't compliments be more along the lines of "You look like you're feeling great"?  Because isn't that what we are all really striving for anyway?  To that I  would confidently say "I am! Thank you!" in a heartbeat.  

 Early yesterday morning I was texting with a friend.  We are both in an online course all about confidence that started earlier this week.  We didn't talk about doing this together.  In fact, four days in is when I found out that she too was in it.  

​As we were exchangning messages back and forth regarding the course content, she asked me a good question that I hadn't even asked myself yet.   "What's been going on with you that made you want to take this course?" 

My answer to her was: "I've just been wanting to take it..... I actually feel pretty confident in general, so it's almost more of a tool for me to talk to those who are dealing with low confidnce... "

We continued on with our conversation a bit, then I noticed the time and saw I better hop in the shower.  As I was getting ready to shower, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  I noticed things... "post-holiday" things, you might say.  There I was staring at myself in the mirror, picking myself apart just after I had told my friend I was actually pretty confident.  

What a line of bullshit I fed her, right?! 

Well, as I thought it through more, I began to wonder.  Am I really that confident?  How can I tell her I am when I was just picking myself apart in the mirror? I mean, I definitely have insecurities.  Things scare me.  Certain settings scare me.  Putting myself out there scares me.  Hitting 'publish' on this blog post is going to scare me.  

So, if I have these insecurities and was just critiquing myself in the mirror, can I really boldy say "I AM CONFIDENT"? 

I was getting insecure that I wasn't as confident as I thought I was! Like, how can I tell someone I'm confident and then second guess myself from time to time? Is that really confidence?? 

It wasn't until later in the day that I read something that was a slap-in-the-face answer to my  ponderings.  Of course, this answer came in the form of an e-mail from  Steph's confidence course.

​"Being confident doesn’t mean you cease to have insecurities. If you're waiting for that to happen, you'll be waiting forever. Being confident means you stop letting your insecurities control you."

That was it!  I could see the lightbulb go off in my head, and a sense of relief rush over me.  Yes, I AM confident!  How? Because I have insecurities, but rather than letting them control me in a negative way, I use them to push forward.    

This may or may not come as a surprise to you, but I don't like being told what to do.  Call it stubborn, call it Irish temper, call it matching my Taurus sign... but it's true.  I prefer to do things on my own time, in my own way.  So, to say that I'm going to let my insecurities tell me what to do would be absurd.   The only person that is going to be the boss of me is ME!  

If I let my insecurities control me I wouldn't feel as awesome as I do most days.  I wouldn't be writing this blog post.  I probably wouldn't have the job I have.  I wouldn't do things that have been outside of my comfort zone like move halfway across the country, be a member of Toastmasters, teach spinning class, or start my Live Well With Kell coaching business. 

If I let my insecurities control me, I would be hiding my gifts.  That would be as unfair to you as it would be to me. 

I have insecurities, but I am confident too.  

Guest blog post from Chrissy Mendelson, fitness pro, travel enthuasit and life-maximizer. 

It’s that time of year. You know what I am talking about, the time of year where we are forced to look back on the previous year judge what we did and didn’t do and then choose something to resolve for the next year. Oh and hopefully pop some champagne in between all that! 

If you don’t mind that I do, I’d love to be the first to say... shit that’s an exhausting tradition! I don’t believe in creating resolutions. As a professional goal coach by day, I will say I LOVE goals but I have a different approach. For myself and all my clients on I find it unnecessary to focus on a resolution for we are perfect, unique humans and there is nothing wrong with any of us to resolve.

For 2017 instead of a resolution, I promote intention; getting real with yourself, your goals, and your action plan for the year ahead. I believe in being our own superheroes… You know the ones who jump into action to take care of us and save our own lives. Yes, that power lies in each one of you and today I want to share with you how to get real with yourself and your goals to create an action plan that will actually stick this time around.

Without further ado, here are your steps for creating intentional goals for 2017:

1)  Make sure your goals are yours: haha right? Seems obvious, but a lot of people set goals they think they are suppose to or hear from someone else. I need to lose 20lbs, I am going to stop eating sugar, I am going to do better with money this year, etc. Now all these goals are great, but don’t commit yourself to a goal that doesn’t fit you! I am going to run a 5k in 2017 isn’t a great goal if you hate running.

2) Keep all goals Positive:  Avoid the use of negativity while writing out your goals. Stress less… even though that seems like a positive goal focusing on the word stress already gives you a set up for drumming up the emotions that word brings to your mind. Instead try to take a more positive spin. My goal for 2017 is to have MORE experiences that fit with my authentic self- more fun, laughter, time with loved ones, and of course travels.


3) Promote your goal: You are the marketing director for your goal. So it’s your responsibility to make it known to yourself, the universe, or whoever you want to share it with. I advise my clients to write it down, so you can view it every day. Also Share it with someone; Maybe your trainer, coach, workout group, etc. The more you promote it, the MORE it’s on your mind to accomplish.
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If you are looking for more ways to create intentional goals next year… find me at Travel Forward on facebook and look out for a free webinar on January 3rd about how to rock your resolutions! At Travel forward, we are a community of people who use our unique experiences in life to learn, grow, and elevate to the best versions of ourselves! We hope to see you around in 2017. #travelforward
 
Rooting for you,
Chrissy Mendelson
 

“3-2-1…. Finish strong! You got this! Remember why you showed up today! You’re going to feel so good when we’re done today—you’re stronger than you think you are!”
That’s a common shout out I give while leading a cycling class, especially towards the end when it’s tough. I say these things to my class because I know it’s true, and I know if they push through to the end they will feel good accomplished and proud of themselves.

Now, let’s fast forward to later in their day. They are working on a project at work but just can’t focus. The deadline is coming, but the eyes are glazed over from looking at the same document and they’ve lost all their initial excitement they had when starting the project. Or they’re a mom at home and the kids are screaming. They just feel like completing any sort of task is impossible. Then, they remember their morning workout… that was seemingly impossible too. But, they made it!

When you exercise you feel good about yourself. Accomplished, sweaty, proud. You have crossed something off your to-do list for the day. When you feel good, you do good. When you do good, others notice and you become an example. You think about what else you can accomplish that day. You know that since you made it through that you can make it through many other things.

This weekend I was pushed to my limits. I kept thinking to myself, “Why now? Why THIS weekend?” I completed a Les Mills certification training. If you’ve ever been to one, you know what it’s like, and you know how physically and mentally exhausting it can be. The program I’m working towards certification in is called RPM, a form of cycling class. So, as you can imagine there was a lot of cardio and muscle building that occurred.

This weekend I was also confronted with a cold. It was like a cold I’ve never had before though. My nose wasn’t runny, my body wasn’t achy or had the chills, but my throat was screaming at me. It felt like there were razor blades in it, and my regular breathing would sometimes sound like a snore. Attractive, right?!

Heavy breathing in a throat, chest and ears that felt like there were shards of glass in it was about the worst feeling ever. That paired with being unsure of exactly what to expect from the training, other than knowing we would need to keep our energy up as we were going to be pushed to our max both mentally and physically created a bit of nervousness and fear.

I kept thinking to myself, “just get through this. Just power through.” As the weekend went on, I began to answer the initial questions I asked myself when I woke up Saturday morning, voiceless and painful to swallow. Why now? Why THIS weekend? Why to me?

I realized that if I can survive this weekend, I can not only survive but EXCEL once I start feeling healthy. Fitness and pushing ourselves to our limits has this weird way of empowering us in every aspect of life. It creates a ripple effect.

Now, take it one step further. If you go through your fitness with a buddy, or in this case a group of women going through the training, then imagine the bonds that are made. They’ve been where you’ve been, they’ve seen you struggle, work through that point where you think you can’t keep going, and come out the other side stronger than ever. The poor ladies that were in the training with me saw me at my most vulnerable—I was wheezing (seriously!),coughing and just a big mess all while taking a stab at something new, and learning the new program with them. Because of this weekend of us being together and pushing past our limits, not only do we have a special bond, but we know we can call on each other when times might get a little difficult. They’ve got my back, and I’ve got theirs.

Physical fitness certainly is not the end all, be all for your health, or the quality of person you are. How you look on the outside, whether you have 6 pack abs or toned triceps doesn’t determine that you’re a good friend, a good employee, kind, caring, someone who puts out good in the world and are someone other people want to be around. Physical fitness, exercise, working out… whatever you prefer to call it… is the launching pad of becoming the best version of yourself.

Don’t believe me? I dare you to try it right now. Get up out of your seat, give your arms a shake and do 30 seconds of movement--- anything—lunges, squats, jumping jacks. Feel better? Has that mental block been disrupted? Did your energy go from zero to hero (or maybe somewhere in between)?
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Are you ready to launch into your best self? 2017 can be the year, and I can help get you there. Visit Live Well With Kell to learn more about how ’ll give you all the tools you need to be successful. Ultimately, it’s up to you to stay tough, stay strong, be compassionate and honest with yourself, and push those excuses aside… I won’t give up on you, and you don’t give up on yourself!

Enjoy this guest blog post from Stephanie Fischer​!

It was winter time during my junior year of college. I was working part time at the YMCA teaching a “Total Body Conditioning” class at 5:30 in the morning, three days a week. I’ve always been a light sleeper and while my true nature isn’t to be a morning person, I pop right out of bed when my alarm goes off and I need to be somewhere. Dependable, punctual, and responsible...that’s me!

Well, most of the time.

I’d gone to stay at my parent’s house because my roommates at the time refused to turn up the heat. They thought it was reasonable to walk around our apartment in coats and mittens.

I did not.

Let’s just get this straight right now. There are certain things in life that are worth paying for. Heat, air conditioning, and internet definitely all make my short list.

Back to my story, being under my parent’s roof and in my old bedroom again must have affected my sleep on that Friday morning because I slept right through my alarm. I woke up to see that it was past 6:00am and I’d completely missed my class.

Man, if that isn’t one of the crappiest feelings in the world. Panic followed by embarrassment and then shame. Some of the worst emotions a human can experience and they’re all coming at you in your first moments of consciousness. Even before coffee.

I emailed my supervisor to tell her what I’d done, explained that it was a total fluke, I was soooo sorry and it would never EVER happen again.

Then it happened again the following Monday on the very next time I was scheduled to teach.
I remember opening my eyes that morning and knowing something was wrong. Scared to even look at the clock I just started saying “no no no no no no this can’t be happening”....but it was definitely happening. I had missed class for the second time in a row. There was only one thing to do.
Bawl my eyes out.

I don’t remember if I got in trouble at work or even how it went when I finally did show up to teach my class the following Wednesday. I never missed a class again and yet a year or so later when I was leaving the Y, my class got me a goodbye present...

It was an alarm clock.

Of course, it was a joke and we all had a laugh. Those back to back missed classes had become known as “that time Steph went on a bender”. They all got a kick out of that. (I pretended I thought it was funny)

This is a very small example but isn’t that the way it goes? You can show up to teach a class hundreds of times over the course of a few years and yet when it comes down to the end, the thing you’re most remembered for is your “bender”, the time  (okay, two times) you messed up.

I can laugh at it now because, trust me, I’ve messed up many times and far worse in the last decade. This story doesn’t even make my list of regrets anymore. But it is a good illustration for self-compassion.

We are so good at taking incidents we regret, mistakes that we’ve made and making them a part of who we are instead of just something we did. We lay in bed at night obsessing over our missteps and using them as evidence for our lack of worth.

Why can’t we show ourselves some compassion?

I’ve found one way to get better at it and it actually starts by practicing compassion for others. I’m reminded of the quote; “When someone does something wrong, don’t forget all the things they did right.”
Nowadays, I am in charge of all the group classes at the Y. Every once in a while, an instructor sleeps through their early morning class and I am the recipient of that panicked, embarrassed, shame filled text or email message.

The funny thing is I actually love when this happens. The group fitness manager part of me doesn’t love it but the human part of me does. I love that I get the chance to show compassion to another human who is probably not expecting it.

I know from experience that they’re already beating themselves up so I can skip that part. All I need to do in that moment is remind them that they’re human and that yes, they screwed up, but they don’t deserve the punishment they’re giving themselves.

I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts the other day (Happier with Gretchen Rubin) and she said this; “Part of being an adult is living with regret.”

Wow. Isn’t that the truth? Just face it. You’re never going to stop messing up. You’ll never be perfect. Neither will the people around you.

Giving someone else compassion, especially when they aren’t expecting it, feels nothing short of heroic. A day or two after I’d shown compassion to an instructor who’d accidentally slept through her class, she sent me an email thanking me for my words that day. How easy was that?

So if you’re in a position to take someone’s burden off of their shoulders, do it immediately if not sooner.  And while you’re at it, why don’t you also do the same thing for yourself?

Be your own hero.

Show yourself the same compassion you would show to another. Stop looking outward for absolution and just give it to yourself. Because the truth is, we’re all doing the best we can. Sometimes the best we can is good enough, sometimes it more than good enough. But other times that same “best we can” misses the mark.  Why can’t we let that go?

The truth is, we can let it go. We just have to change the story we tell ourselves. The story that who we are is a sum of the things we’ve done. We aren’t the incredible things we’ve done and we aren’t the terrible things we’ve done either. We’re so much more than that.

You make mistakes but you’re still a really good person just like I make mistakes but I’m still a really good person.

In my self-confidence course for women, I talk a lot about self-care. Self-compassion is the ultimate form of self-care.

I don’t have the keys to unlock women from their prisons of guilt and shame but throughout my course, I give them tools to help them look within themselves and remember where they hid those keys. That way, they are able to unlock themselves and finally be free.
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The next offering of my course begins on January 1st and I’d love for you to join. 
For more info, visit www.howetofitness.com/confidence or send me a message at Howe-To Healthy Living  and I’d be happy to answer your questions!

Yum!!  I tried a new recipe the weekend and I feel it is my duty to share.  

Some side notes in making this recipe:
1) WHY is butternut squash so hard to cut? I was sweating by the time I got all done. 
2) PJ will not touch this soup-- he thinks it looks like baby food.
3) Besides cutting the squash, it was so easy to make! I decided to freeze half the batch for future meal prep too. 

My version of the recipe was inspired by:  Goodful.

INGREDIENTS
For the soup:
1 Butternut squash, peeled, deseeded, and roughly chopped
1 medium yellow onion, roughly chopped
4 garlic cloves, peeled
Drizzle olive oil
3 cups vegetable or chicken broth
½ teaspoon ginger
½ teaspoon coriander
¼ teaspoon cayenne (can leave it, this give it a bit of a kick!)
1 ½ teaspoons sea salt
¼ teaspoon black pepper
½ teaspoon thyme
¼ cup of milk (I used almond milk)
For the optional garnish:
Chives, chopped
Pumpkin seeds

PREPARATION
​1. Place squash pieces, onion, and garlic into a slow cooker.
2. Drizzle with olive oil and add vegetable or chicken broth.
3. Sprinkle over ginger, coriander, cayenne, sea salt, and pepper.
4. Place lid on slow cooker and cook on high heat for 4 hours.
5. Using a hand blender, blend the ingredients until smooth (if you do not have a hand blender, you can transfer the ingredients to a regular blender (I used the Ninja) or food processor, just be careful when blending hot liquids!).
6. Add thyme and coconut milk and blend for a few more seconds until incorporated.
7. Garnish with chives and pumpkin seeds (optional).
8. Enjoy!