It’s Not Social Media: It’s Your Relationship With It (Why I’m Taking a Staycation)

Dec 17

Written By Kelly McIntee

We blame “the thing” all the time.

The to-do list.
The job.
The phone.
Social media.

“If I could just get rid of this… I’d finally feel better.”

But most of the time?
The problem isn’t the thing.
It’s our relationship to the thing.

A to-do list isn’t inherently stressful.
It’s a list. It holds information. It reminds you what you intended to do.

Your inbox is just messages.
Your calendar is just blocks of time.

Social media is just an app.

The meaning, the pressure, the guilt, the “I’m behind” story — that all comes from us.

And I recently had to face that in a really honest way with my relationship to social media.

When “Helping” Quietly Turns Into Performing

I didn’t realize how much mental space social media had been taking up for me.

Planning content.
Thinking about what to post.
Worrying if it was “good enough” or “strategic enough.”
Wondering if it would “sell” coaching.

None of that is wrong on its own.
But slowly, my energy shifted.

I wasn’t expressing anymore.
I was performing.

I started noticing moments that didn’t feel good:

Opening Instagram and feeling my body tense.
Posting because I felt like I “should,” not because I wanted to.
Brushing off my kids with, “Just one second, I need to finish this real quick,” when “this” was a caption for an app I was resenting.

That was my first integrity check.

I coach my clients to build lives and businesses they actually like being in — ones anchored in presence and values.

But here I was, sacrificing the moments that mattered most to me… for content.

Something needed to change.

The Chick-fil-A Moment (a.k.a. The Wake-Up Call)

The turning point came in church.

Our pastor was talking about God speaking to you — and how to tell if it’s actually God or just your Chick-fil-A from lunch.

And in that moment, I clearly heard:

“Take a 30-day social media cleanse.”

My immediate reaction wasn’t calm.
It was full-body fear.

What if I disappear?
What if I get forgotten?
What if my business slows down?

That fear was my sign.

I realized:
My relationship with social media wasn’t just slightly off. It was rooted in scarcity, hustle, and urgency.

The cleanses and “I’m taking a break from social, see you in January” posts never felt aligned to me. Honestly?

No one’s really waiting for that announcement.
No one’s keeping track of your every post.
And the “I’m bacccck!” post is usually more awkward than helpful.

So I decided not to make a big declaration.

Instead, I chose something that felt more true to how I wanted to live:

A staycation.

Not a dramatic goodbye.
A reset of my relationship with social media — from the inside out.

What I Found When I Slowed Down

Staycation, for me, was less about not posting… and more about how I was being while I showed up anywhere in my life.

The feeling I’d been craving?

Ease.
Slowness.
Trust.

Trust that:

Things can move without being forced
I don’t have to be “on” 24/7
My business doesn’t evaporate if I’m not constantly posting

And then, life gave me some pretty loud data.

In the first ten days of December, while I was operating from staycation energy (moving slower, breathing more, pausing before saying yes), this happened:

I hosted a retreat and navigated last-minute changes.
I made almost as much in that week+ as I did in the entire month before.
With my husband’s help, we got 90% of our Christmas shopping done.
I coached my clients deeply and showed up fully in my mastermind.
I got clarity on business decisions I’d been sitting with for months.

And through all that “doing”?
I felt… surprisingly calm.

It hit me:

I’m not necessarily doing less.
I’m doing it with way less frenzy.

Frenzy is just busyness in a fancy outfit.
And I’d been wearing that outfit for a long time.

It’s Not About Doing Nothing. It’s About Doing It Differently.

Here’s the core truth that landed:

I’ve built a business that keeps working even when I slow down.

And that didn’t happen by accident.

I’ve been intentionally building:

Offers with recurring revenue
Systems that keep moving without my constant handholding
Relationships that aren’t dependent on daily “proof” of my worth online

So when I softened my grip on social media, the whole business didn’t crumble.

Instead, I got to see how much was already working — even when I wasn’t frantically pushing.

And I want that for you, too.

Try This: A Relationship Audit

If you’re craving your own version of a staycation — with social media or anything else — here are a few questions to explore.

1. Pick a “thing” that feels heavy.
To-do lists. Social. Inbox. Calendar. You choose.

Ask yourself:

What am I making this thing mean about me?
What pressure have I attached to it?
If this were just neutral data, how would I relate to it differently?

2. Add a pause before you post.

Before you hit publish, ask:

Why am I posting this — really?
Am I chasing validation, or creating connection?
Is this coming from “should”… or from desire?
Who do I want this to help, and will it actually support them?

3. Ask: “What’s the rush?”

Whenever you notice yourself hurrying, speeding up, or gripping tightly to your work, gently ask:

“What’s the rush?”

Most of what we treat like an emergency… isn’t.

You’re allowed to keep moving forward without living in constant urgency.

A Staycation Isn’t a Break. It’s a Return.

In the end, I realized:

I didn’t need a break from social media.
I needed a return to intention.

The kind of intention you reconnect with on vacation — when you finally exhale and remember what it feels like to be fully you again.

That’s what this staycation is about for me.

Less pressure.
More presence.
More connection.
And a business that keeps working even when I rest.

If you’re craving that, too, maybe this is your sign.

You don’t have to burn it down.
You just have to be willing to renegotiate the relationship.

Starting with one simple question: