Aren’t we all mood eaters?!
Some of us just approach it different... approach it as a negative. What if it didn’t have to be that way? What if being a mood eater is a great thing??
Let me explain....
You can either be a REACTIVE MOOD EATER or a PROACTIVE MOOD EATER.
What does a "reactive mood eater" sound like?
“Ugh. When I’m stressed I just neeeeeed chocolate & crunchy salty chips. They’re totally my weakness and I have to have them now. I’m so bad at eating healthy... I’ll never be able to figure this out. I do so so good & then my kid is sick so I get no sleep & craaaave candy all day.”
What does a "proactive mood eater" sound like?
“How do I want to feel today?”
Then... they plan, from a neutral state. Not stressed, not anxious, not starving, not stuffed
“I want to feel energized, so for my next meal I’m going to have xyz because I know when I have this it makes me feel good. I also know when I eat abc it makes me feel sluggish.”
👊🏼WE ARE ALL MOOD EATERS 👊🏼
Which side of the coin do you want to be? Proactive or reactive?
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Fast forward to health class when we were talking about cancers of the reproductive organs. One of the symptoms was extended periods of time of having no period. Woah. The lightbulb went off for me… I hadn’t had a cycle in about a year.
Insert freaking out thoughts. “Omg I have cancer. Omg I’m going to die. What am I doing?” (I thank Mr. S’s textbook curriculum for waking me up.)
This introduced another day of me going home crying to my mom, this time telling her that we need to go to the doctor. I didn’t tell her the whole story this time. I didn’t clue her in to all the ways I was starving my body… I just told her I was scared.
So… that day I changed. I started eating more. But it wasn't just that simple… that one day didn’t create the new version of me that lived happily ever after.
Instead, it started something new. Here I was eating more and I was GAINING WEIGHT FAST. Between my junior and senior year of high school I gained 40 lbs. I went from the skinniest version of me to the heaviest version of me. I was embarrassed, ashamed and felt like I was in 2nd grade all over again.
I couldn’t control myself and I was so so ashamed. I was in hiding. I would wait until my parents went to bed to make the biggest, yummiest, best bowl of ice cream right before bed. Oooh it was SO GOOD. Then, I’d feel terrible about myself. But that didn’t stop the binge eating choices. Sure I had it “under control” when I was with people. But put me alone in a room with cookies or chips + top the tater and I went to town. Salty or sweet… I wasn't picky. I loved it all.
I remember the first time I threw up after eating. Honestly, my stomach couldn’t handle what I put into it. It was way too much. So, I made myself throw up. I felt better… but still pretty terrible. This continued on and on. I never labeled myself as bulimic because it wasn’t all the time, and I didn’t lose weight doing it. I also never labeled myself anorexic during the time when I barely ate a thing… because, again… I had my own exceptions to these definitions.
Fast forward to college and it started to get a little better. I had no interest in puking in a public dorm restroom so that ruled that out, and I knew that NOT eating wasn’t an option anymore… so that was also ruled out. But, I just couldn’t get the weight off. I was getting better at making healthy food choices, I was getting better at working out consistently in a way that felt good… but still… no changes.
So, I bought Hydroxycut. Anyone remember those commercials? I hid them in my dresser drawer in my dorm room. I took them most days for a few weeks… but again… nothing was changing. I was stuck. In buying those pills (which I threw away the majority of) I knew there wasn’t anything “out there” that was going to help me. If I wanted to change I knew I needed to 1) do it “the hard way” and not rely on quick fixes anymore, 2) be cool with who I was right now, as is.
The mess I was in high school and college still to this day makes me feel sad. Not just for me, but for all the other girls who were in the same secret shoes as me.
Today, I feel good. Today, as a mother of two I have put in the mental work to make the physical work results neutral… whether I’m my leanest or my largest I’m more accepting of ME than I have ever been. I'm glad I was forced to put in the work as it has helped me connect with so many other women who have also felt alone, ashamed and unhealthily obsessed. I'm glad that it has helped me find a way out for good.
You CAN stop the battle against yourself. Giving your body the love it deserves is like what you’re NOT. The process of doing that may feel extremely uncomfortable... but trust me when I say it is so worth it. Trust me when I say I can help you navigate the discomfort of battling your body once and for all.
I'm here to help. What is a mess you're hiding from? What is something you so badly want to be doing with your time, but feel pulled to be doing all the other things? Let's talk. Set up a free breakthrough session with me so we can help you start living fully alive once and for all!
I was mortified. I didn’t cry right there in that moment, but I remember it well. I did go home and cry that night. I cried and cried and cried.
SECOND GRADE AND I CRIED ABOUT WHAT I WEIGHED.
How sad is that?
It’s sad, but it’s the truth. That moment forward shifted my focus towards all things weight and body image. As young as 2nd grade, I was so self conscious of the skin I lived in. When my worries should have been about what books to read, how to stay King in 4-Square and what my favorite colors were... there I was thinking about being fat.
This desire to help people feel good in their body didn’t just start in my adult life. It’s been my life always.
My mom tried her best to comfort me. She really did. But nothing could. I was fat, and I hated it.
Again, I remind you.... SECOND GRADE.
My heart breaks for that little girl me. It breaks for that little girl you. It breaks for the little girls today.
I’m also thankful for that little girl me, though. It’s led me to this today. It’s led me to being extremely intentional in the compliments I give my kids and other little kids. It’s led me to knowing exactly how you feel. It’s led me down some really ugly, ugly paths and also to some really amazing and beautiful ones. It's led to me figuring out how to move my body in a way that feels good, and how to look at food as fuel.
It’s led me to nourishing my body rather than filling it with junk. It has taught me about how to eat. It has shown me empathy.
That 100+ pound second grader isn’t a small part of me… she is me, the woman I am today. But she’s stronger, happier & more accepting now. She's wiser.
I’ve been there. I feel you. I see you. I know the heart inside of you is so much more beautiful and amazing than any numbers we see on a scale. YOU are amazing whether you’re 120 pounds or 320 pounds.
I'm here to help. What is a mess you're hiding from? What is something you so badly want to be doing with your time, but feel pulled to be doing all the other things? Let's talk. Set up a free breakthrough session with me so we can help you start living fully alive once and for all!
Should is a word in our vocabulary that's a hard one to knock. It has likely influenced more in your life than you've ever realized.
Should shows up in sneaky ways.
Should creates judgement upon ourselves. It's implies that we aren't ____ enough. It implies that we need to improve ourselves and do better.
You've been on the rat race of the things you "should" do and likely in doing so you are straying further and further from the YOU that needs to be amplified.
You "shouldn't" do anything. When you come to any circumstance with that thought it feels yucky. "I should give write a thank you." "I should give a gift." "I should eat healthier." "I should workout in the mornings." Should, should, should.
What if instead you replaced the word should with the words want, desire or need. That carries much more personal power. That carries so much greater energy.
"I should write a Thank You." ----> "I want to express my gratitude."
"I should give a gift." ----> "I desire to make this person feel loved."
"I should eat healthier" ----> "I desire to nourish my body in a way that feels good."
"I should workout in the mornings." ----> "I desire to create energy in me through movement."
Do you feel the difference?
So, how do we take that a stop looking outward for "shoulds" in our life, and really become "me" amplified.
First, observe when "should" comes up throughout your day, and investigate that neutrally. "I should lose some weight" is a thought that came from looking in the mirror. What you saw in the mirror is cellulite on your legs. What if instead you just WITNESSED that cellulite. "I see you. There you are. And you mean nothing about me."
Own who you are. Own those "flaws" you think about yourself. They mean nothing. Rather they are a factor of what makes you you. There is no love or hate within the owning... it just is. For me, for example, I'm a little messy sometimes. I procrastinate and wait until the last minute. I have cellulite on my legs too.
Great. Own that. Don't change that. Own it and then dig deeper with it.
Should makes us battle against ourselves. Instead we want to respect the person we are. Respect the body that has cellulite on it. Respect yourself in the journey. Respect your boundaries. For the example in the video, I respect that I can't stay up past 8:00 to have a deep-life conversation. Out of respect for myself with that, I set up my schedule accordingly. With that personal respect, comes outward respect. My husband knows and respects that about me.
When we observe, own and respect things about ourselves, we are likely going to respect others as well.
My friend, that is YOU. Embrace that shit. Sometimes you get messy... how can you make that mess shine? Sometimes you put things off to the last minute... how has that served you in the past?
When we embrace who we are fully we shine, we become a magnet.
You don't need to improve (see the word CHANGE) yourself. Rather let's amplify ourselves. When you do so, your energy will be through the roof, and you'll be a magnet for others.
Ready to fully embrace YOU and live life fully? Reach out, and schedule a free 1:1 Breakthrough Session today!
"Kelly has been amazing to work with. When talking during our sessions, she has a way about her that makes you feel so comfortable, like you are talking to one of your closest friends. But she also has some tough love and asks some hard questions that can really push you to find your greatest potential. I also love the accountability she provides, but also the grace she reminds me to have with myself when struggles arise. I also appreciate the abundance of resources she has provided to me." - Leah
First grade, I remember it well. I don’t remember our art teacher’s name but I know she was blonde, had glasses and was totally quirky.
We had a project to do. We had to make little piggy puppets for a Three Little Pigs puppet performance.
There were some in the class that just weren’t that into it. They hurried through the project and then messed around in the room, playing and getting into things. Man, bless the heart of all those art teachers out here.
But me? Heck no. I was lost in the creation of it. He had blue denim overalls with yellow buttons, a plaid shirt and the cutest swirly tail. While the rest of the class was all done, I worked on that little project up until the second the bell rang. Details, details, details… I made that piggy the best in class.
Looking back on this now I see two things that really stick out:
1 ) Being a perfectionist. I had to make it perfect. So often we look at being a perfectionist as bad, but what if instead it was something that just is. It's a thing about us. We love getting lost in the details.
2) I loved to create. When I create I don’t care what else is going on around me. It becomes my obsession.
That’s how I’ve always been… I get lost in putting things together with my hands. I love a good project. I love a messy process knowing I can clean it all up in the end. It never mattered to me how it got done… but the fact that I was making something all mine.
It’s no wonder looking back that this is something I carry with me today-- making things. I love it. This is me. This is who I am. I'm a perfectionist with some things, and a total mess in the process. You can create amazing things AND be messy. This is who I help as a coach.
I see you creators out there. You love to make things, you want to share things with the world and you also wonder “who would want this?” Trust me. The world wants your gifts and talents. Put them on full display and do so proudly. Not only does the world want your gifts they also want YOU fully, not a watered-down version of you, but Y.O.U. When you do what you love, you shine.... aside from the creations you create they want you, the creator.
Journal Prompt Questions
**P.S. I'm here to help. What is a mess you're hiding from? What is something you so badly want to be doing with your time, but feel pulled to be doing all the other things? Let's talk. Set up a free breakthrough session with me so we can help you start living fully alive once and for all!
Tomorrow we are putting you on the market. It's not because you are bad, we don't like you or you haven't been good to us. It's because we have filled your walls with more than you can hold & we need a place with more space.
The right person is looking for you. They are waiting for you. You will be exactly what they need. You were here for us during one of the most important seasons of our life. You were the driveway we pulled into when we were bringing home babies. You have seen and heard it all. The tears, laughter, arguments, sleepless nights, cuddles, cartoons on the couch, both awesome and failed cooking attempts. You have been our home and you have treated us well. I hope you feel like we have treated you well too.
Here are some ways you have served our family and have brought so much good to our lives:
You've been so good to us, house. I'm sad to leave you but also understand it's they way life is. You've been a huge part of our journey, and we've been a part of yours too. You deserve someone who will continue to love you and appreciate all the charm, beauty and character you have to offer.
Love, the McIntee's
We are all experiencing challenges and changes in our routine right now. Some of us aren't able to work any longer, while other of us are blessed to be able to continue working but just not in our office anymore. Seeing more and more people being required to work from home, here are some tips that have helped me and my colleagues be productive, and efficient.
I have found that as a "work from home" employee I've always been self-conscious of the fear that "they might not think I'm working" so I initially didn't do a good job or taking breaks or calling up a co-worker to check on them. But the truth is, remote employees can have super productive days because we are often more in control of our distractions-- we don't have coworkers walking by our desk, it often feels like it takes too much effort to go out for lunch so we just make something yummy at home, and we have easy access to yummy coffee all day!
Here are some real life tips to make your work from home transition feel a little better:
BRUSH YOUR TEETH & WASH YOUR FACE
It may feel like everyday is Saturday right now... but how productive are we on a Saturday? Get up, brush your teeth and wash your face. That fresh breath and splash of water on your face not only wakes you up but gets you out of a "just lounging around" mode.
Working from home doesn't mean staying in your pajamas all day. Sure, it make take a few days to adjust and the pajamas may linger on a little longer, but eventually it may inhibit you feeling ready to start your day. I'm not saying working from home needs to be a fashion show, but put on something that you wouldn't be embarrassed to answer the door in. For me that's usually leggings or joggers and a top that matches. Mascara and a little lip gloss helps too.
MAKE A REASONABLE TO-DO LIST
Make a brain dump for what you need to do for the week and then each day pick a few priority tasks to complete. What are three things that would make you say "I feel accomplished" at the end of your workday?
GET UP & MOVE. TAKE BREAKS.
We aren't robots. We can't just sit for hours upon hours. Getting up a taking a break not only helps our immunity, but it also lifts the brain fog, circulates your energy and may even offer some new and fresh ideas. Maybe getting up and taking a break means you go to the kitchen and fill up on coffee, maybe you set a timer for 5 minutes do some squats and body weight exercises. Maybe you stop work for a few minutes, get up, step outside, look up to the sky & stretch your hands behind your back.
**I have a free "Make the Most of H.O.M.E." Challenge going on right now that includes short workouts you can do from home. Join here!
SET A TIMER
Set a timer for your productivity time. I find 25 minutes to be the sweet-spot of time for me... beyond that I may open a new tab, feel tempted to check my email, or peek at my phone to see texts or check on that rabit-hole of social media.
As you think about your to do list, you could label 25 minute chunks of time each day. What projects are on your list? Do you have emails to respond to? What other pressing priorities can you quickly accomplish?
Also, set a timer for your breaks. Before you know it, throwing in a load of laundry could turn into washing the dishes and your break may have gotten a little longer than planned.
CREATE A WORK ENVIRONMENT YOU CAN STEP AWAY FROM
Find or create a space in your home that you can designate as your work area, even if your only option is half of the dining room table. Create boundaries around that space so when you sit down you know you're in "work mode" and you are focused. If you have a room with a door you can close, that will help a ton too.
CREATE A WORK ENVIRONMENT YOU LIKE
Music helps. I love me a good playlist paired with a yummy smelling candle. Also, clean up your workspace as the end of the day. What loose papers do you have lying around. Maintaining organization will leave you feeling fresh and ready to start the next work day.
MAINTAIN YOUR ROUTINE
Just like you wouldn't go to work without brushing your teeth or getting dressed, also think about the time of day you need to be ready to work. How long will your "commute" take you? Is there a podcast you listen to on your commute? Listen to that while you get ready. How do you fuel your body before your work day? Do that. Maintain what has been working well for you. Do you get up from your desk everyday at 10:00 a.m. for a coffee refill? Do the same at home.
YOUR TIME NEEDS BOUNDARIES - TAKE A LUNCH BREAK AND STOP YOUR WORKDAY
Don't get so distracted that you forget to each some lunch. What do you normally pack for lunch each day? Have that at home.
Also, don't work until the wee hours. Stop. Stop your workday, step away, play with your kiddos, take a walk outside and then get back to work tomorrow. It can be tempting to go, and go, and go but that can also lead to burnout. Stop the workday and step away. It can get done tomorrow.
MAINTAIN WORK RELATIONSHIPS & CHECK IN ON A COLLEAGUE
Just like you drop by someone's desk as work, pick up the phone quick and check in to say hi. On your team calls, be flexible and allow some time for conversation to see how everyone is doing. We're human and we still need that informal interaction. A sense of humor can go a long way in the work day.
I hope these tips help you as you transition to unknown territory!
Does "Honey, these muffins are really good!"
"Oh they're just from a box."
That right there happens more often than we realize, and it happened the other day. Even as coach that works on helping women acknowledge themselves, their efforts, awesomeness and enoughness (did I just make that word up?!), I too struggle in this area.
After that short exchange, I thought to myself, "Kelly, stop it. Just say thank you. You're doing exactly what you coach your clients NOT to do. Does the fact that there were from a box or from scratch change that compliment he just gave me? Does it matter that they're probably not super healthy? Ugh....!"
With the conclusion of those thoughts, I simply added... "But, thank you. I'm glad you like them!"
WHY DO WE GET SO AWKWARD WHEN WE ARE GIVEN A COMPLIMENT?
The short answer is this: it doesn't happen enough.
The long answer is this: It doesn't happen enough starting with ourselves. We don't stop, slow down, observe and reflect on the good things about ourselves. Therefore, we then struggle to acknowledge others and often hold back something nice we notice about someone else.
When we have a hard time seeing the good in ourselves, we aren't as easily able to verbalize the good we see in others, or we look at their awesomeness as a comparison in areas where we may feel we are lacking. As the saying goes, dimming someone else's light won't make yours shine any brighter.... or something like that. You could also translate that saying to acknowledgement. We could say, shining their light won't make yours any dimmer.
Acknowledgement is also a little bit scary. It can feel vulnerable. Say you're at the checkout line at the store and the person in front of you has the coolest jacket you've ever seen. Do you tell them? Or do you just look at it, then they see you looking at them... and then they think have food in their teeth? When we go out of our way to compliment them, we don't really know how they'll respond. "Will they think I'm weird? Is it creepy to tell them that I noticed?" So we just don't say anything at all.... and then that person leaving the store is wondering if their hair is sticking up instead of feeling super awesome about their style.
Do you see the ripple effect?
So, my friend, today I challenge you to acknowledge yourself... like genuinely give yourself a shout out for something you did that was hard, for something that took a little extra effort, for taking action, or for something you just really like about yourself. Be your own hype team. Then, after that, acknowledge someone else is your life. Again, be genuine about it.
If you're loving this concept and want some accountability to do it more often, join me in my free coaching community. For the month of November we are making it a challenge to acknowledge ourselves and one other person every single day. I'm excited to be a part of this, and the ripple effect it will create.
Will you join us?
Three years ago, on September 4th, Tom Fogarty passed away in a way I could have ever in a million years imagined. He was practicing bow hunting in the back yard, went down into the woods to retrieve a bow and was stung by several wasps. He's allergic, and it was just too much. I still don't believe it. Not a single day goes by where I don't utter the words in my head, "I don't believe it."
I try not to talk a lot about it because I don't want to bring others down, but the truth is sometimes talking about it might help someone else. You're not alone. Whatever you're going through, just know you're not alone. Maybe I'll share more here about my journey through all this, but maybe I won't. Right now though, I just want to share three things I've learned in the three years since he has passed.
1) YOU DON'T GET TROUGH GRIEF, YOU LIVE WITH IT.
I'm not over it. I'm not past it. I have tears in my eyes as I'm typing this. Grief is not something you get through. There isn't a start and end point to it. Grief is something you live with.
In the beginning, living with grief is like having the smelliest, messiest, loudest, most obnoxious roommate in your home. You always notice it, and it takes over you. No matter what you try to do, it feels like you can't escape the grief.
Then, that roommate starts to take a shower, they start to pick up after themselves, and they get a little quieter. But, they still do things to make sure you continue to notice their presence. They're just someone you can't ignore, and you can't kick them out either.
Someone once explained grief as going under a wave. At first the waves are huge and take all your breath away. Then, eventually the waves get a little smaller and learn to swim through them, but the waves are still there. Every single day I am hit by a wave, even three years later.
Ways that help me live with the grief is to talk about him, to say his name, and to laugh about the memories we have. I still try to think to myself, "what would Dad do/say/think?" when trying to make a decision. To keep him alive in our day to day life is a way I am able to live with the grief. I pray too. He's our guardian angel and I pray to him to watch over us. I also know I'll see him again. Faith and belief in Heaven is sometimes the only way to lift your chin back up in those waves.
Nothing ever prepares you for the loss of a loved one, especially a loss so unexpected but I have learned that you can survive it, you can grow through it, and you can even flourish through it. But my goodness... you don't ever get over it.
2) I THOUGHT HAVING A BABY WOULD MAKE MISSING MY DAD EASIER, BUT IT HAS DONE THE OPPOSITE.
It hit me on the day Everett was born. When my mom was there, all I wanted was by Dad to be there too. I wanted my Dad to see this amazing little human that joined our family. The worst part was when my Mom left the hospital. She went home without someone to share her pride and excitement with who would be just as excited and happy as she was. In this happiest moment of my life, it also felt like one of the saddest.
I thought having a baby would keep me too busy and too distracted to miss my dad. In a way, I think I was hoping that would happen. But, the truth is, it makes me miss him more. Oh, how he would get a kick out of our little man... I know they would be two peas in a pod. He's just as big of a goofball as his Grandpa.
Adding this new member to our family didn't fill part of the void of missing someone we love. It actually feels like it made the void bigger, because becoming a mom has made my heart grow exponentially. Adding more to the "Fogarty Crew" doesn't make his seat at the table smaller, it makes it more noticeable.
Since he's passed, our family has experienced a lot of things that make us all missing more than ever. He would be so proud. Two new babies, a wedding, two high-school graduations, job changes and so many other day to day things he would be encouraging us through.
3) WHAT YOU SAY AND DO MATTERS-- YOU LEAVE AN IMPACT
I catch myself saying things my Dad would say. One of my favorites is when my ears perked up at something he said while watching the Vikings get beat. The refs were always and easy target. "Those flag-happy bastards!"
I also catch myself making up things I'm pretty sure my Dad would say. I hear stories of people sharing memories of my Dad, and I realize I'm not the only one missing him. I realize his impact was far larger than the walls of our home growing up, the bonds of our family, or the ties to our friends... his impact has a ripple effect.
That's nice to think about, but also a brings with it a weight of responsibility. What you do matters. You leave an impact on the lives you touch. I try to keep that lesson in mind, and try to carry through the impact my Dad has made of the lives of others.
-- Act like you know the person when you see them... and be really excited to say hi (even if you don't know their name).
-- Give a person the time of day to talk to you. We all just want someone to listen to us.
-- Don't worry about the mess.
-- Let your creative spirit out, and do the things that bring you joy.
-- Give gifts that are made with your own hands, they show the greatest love.
-- Say yes if someone wants to do something fun with you. Stop with all the serious and take time for fun.
-- Get to know people, and do a favor without any strings attached.
-- Ask questions. Be curious about the person you're talking to.
-- Make jokes even if they aren't that funny. At least you get a kick of out it!
-- No one can do it the way you can, and there is no one else quite like you.
-- Don't be lazy. If you're going to do it, do it right.
-- Love your family most.