I was mortified. I didn’t cry right there in that moment, but I remember it well. I did go home and cry that night. I cried and cried and cried.
SECOND GRADE AND I CRIED ABOUT WHAT I WEIGHED.
How sad is that?
It’s sad, but it’s the truth. That moment forward shifted my focus towards all things weight and body image. As young as 2nd grade, I was so self conscious of the skin I lived in. When my worries should have been about what books to read, how to stay King in 4-Square and what my favorite colors were... there I was thinking about being fat.
This desire to help people feel good in their body didn’t just start in my adult life. It’s been my life always.
My mom tried her best to comfort me. She really did. But nothing could. I was fat, and I hated it.
Again, I remind you.... SECOND GRADE.
My heart breaks for that little girl me. It breaks for that little girl you. It breaks for the little girls today.
I’m also thankful for that little girl me, though. It’s led me to this today. It’s led me to being extremely intentional in the compliments I give my kids and other little kids. It’s led me to knowing exactly how you feel. It’s led me down some really ugly, ugly paths and also to some really amazing and beautiful ones. It's led to me figuring out how to move my body in a way that feels good, and how to look at food as fuel.
It’s led me to nourishing my body rather than filling it with junk. It has taught me about how to eat. It has shown me empathy.
That 100+ pound second grader isn’t a small part of me… she is me, the woman I am today. But she’s stronger, happier & more accepting now. She's wiser.
I’ve been there. I feel you. I see you. I know the heart inside of you is so much more beautiful and amazing than any numbers we see on a scale. YOU are amazing whether you’re 120 pounds or 320 pounds.
I'm here to help. What is a mess you're hiding from? What is something you so badly want to be doing with your time, but feel pulled to be doing all the other things? Let's talk. Set up a free breakthrough session with me so we can help you start living fully alive once and for all!
THE ONE WHERE SHE LOVED ART CLASS
First grade, I remember it well. I don’t remember our art teacher’s name but I know she was blonde, had glasses and was totally quirky.
We had a project to do. We had to make little piggy puppets for a Three Little Pigs puppet performance.
There were some in the class that just weren’t that into it. They hurried through the project and then messed around in the room, playing and getting into things. Man, bless the heart of all those art teachers out here.
But me? Heck no. I was lost in the creation of it. He had blue denim overalls with yellow buttons, a plaid shirt and the cutest swirly tail. While the rest of the class was all done, I worked on that little project up until the second the bell rang. Details, details, details… I made that piggy the best in class.
Looking back on this now I see two things that really stick out:
1 ) Being a perfectionist. I had to make it perfect. So often we look at being a perfectionist as bad, but what if instead it was something that just is. It's a thing about us. We love getting lost in the details.
2) I loved to create. When I create I don’t care what else is going on around me. It becomes my obsession.
That’s how I’ve always been… I get lost in putting things together with my hands. I love a good project. I love a messy process knowing I can clean it all up in the end. It never mattered to me how it got done… but the fact that I was making something all mine.
It’s no wonder looking back that this is something I carry with me today-- making things. I love it. This is me. This is who I am. I'm a perfectionist with some things, and a total mess in the process. You can create amazing things AND be messy. This is who I help as a coach.
I see you creators out there. You love to make things, you want to share things with the world and you also wonder “who would want this?” Trust me. The world wants your gifts and talents. Put them on full display and do so proudly. Not only does the world want your gifts they also want YOU fully, not a watered-down version of you, but Y.O.U. When you do what you love, you shine.... aside from the creations you create they want you, the creator.
Journal Prompt Questions
**P.S. I'm here to help. What is a mess you're hiding from? What is something you so badly want to be doing with your time, but feel pulled to be doing all the other things? Let's talk. Set up a free breakthrough session with me so we can help you start living fully alive once and for all!