Living a desire led life means putting feelings before actions.
How do I want to feel today?
How do I want to feel in this moment?
How do I want to feel in my clothes?
How do I want to feel during and after this meal?
You’re getting the idea, right?
You choose your feeling, THEN choose action, clothes, food, words, thoughts, etc.
So often we direct our lives by our actions, expectations, obligations, or “shoulds” rather than intentionally showing up and choosing our actions based on our desired feelings. I’m here to tell you that life is too short to be living that way. It’s time to flip the process and ask yourself first, “how do I want to feel?” Then, select actions from there.
If doing a complete reversal on your process seems too far fetched, just bringing your feelings to light may be a huge game changer and create a whole new awareness in your life that you’ve never experienced.
But, here’s the real, hard truth. If you’re in pursuit of a present, pleasurable and joyful life you must be intentional about your choices, big and small. Your feelings matter. Your feelings are what make up your experience of life.
Sometimes we do things that we don’t want to, or things that make us feel tight, restricted, tense or queasy because we have a deep fear of letting others down, of rocking the boat, or perhaps we have a sunk-cost mentality of “well, I’ve been in it for this long, might as well keep going.”
But, what if you paused and asked yourself “how do i want to feel?” It may change your life in little ways like the way you dress (which can actually have a significant impact on your life) to what food choices you make (again, this too could be significantly impactful), to whether you decide you keep going to your same ol’ job. Those choices may end up making a big difference in your life.
One of the biggest reasons why living a desire-led life matters is because when you do what you want, others benefit. It’s just as much about who you’re being as it is about what you’re doing.
WHAT YOU DO
When you have the courage to step into what you DESIRE to do, others benefit from your actions. Let’s use some of my coaching clients as examples (names changed for anonymity). Shannon leaned into her desire to turn her art work into beautiful earrings. Not only does Shannon get to do something that she loves, she creates an opportunity for others to wear jewelry that completes their outfits, brings them joy or perhaps has deep meaning to them. Another example is Julie, a photographer. She does something she loves; takes photos. And, in turn others get to have beautiful memories or special moments in their life that they get to relive again and again every time they look at a stunning shot that Julie took.
Let’s look at me, a life coach, as another example. I leaned into my desire to be a coach. It’s something I love to do, is so much fun and brings me a ton of joy. And you know what? People's lives have changed, and deep-rooted patterns have been uprooted and interrupted. The ripple effect of the work I get to do is far beyond my comprehension.
WHO YOU ARE
When you do what you want, it impacts who you are being. You show up willing and WANTING to be there. You show up with enthusiasm and joy. You show up with a deeper presence. You’re in the moment you’re in, not being distracted by all the places you’d rather be, or all the things you’d rather be doing. You SHOW Up, period.
Everyday I talk to women who have shame around their wants. They’re afraid to get real, raw and true with themselves about what they want. But, when we can start taking small steps daily to check in with what we want and start taking actions on our desires it ever-so-slowly becomes easier and easier to live a life that is full of desire, joy and pleasure
So, my tip to you today as you go about making choices is to ask yourself this question first:
“How do I want to feel?” OR “How would this make me feel?”
It’s a game changer, y’all. And dare I say, I think we’re all ready for a little change around here.