 When we don’t own own wins, we can’t repeat them… and we certainly can’t amplify them. When we don’t own your wins, it becomes the equivalent of saying: “Oh, I just got lucky.” “Oh, it just sorta happened.” “Oh it was a fluke.” No, no & NO. You created that. How? Well, if you owned it, you could investigate, learn & know. Passing your wins off to fate or chance isn’t just a disservice to your future success, it robs all the people who could be impacted by you that experience. Recently I had a win that felt huge, but yet I had a hard time owning it. I had my highest revenue month happen in one day in my business. And, I wouldn't allow myself to own that, to celebrate it. Well, she's on a payment plan so it doesn't count… that was going to happen anyway. Well, her payment got delayed so it just happened to be made on the same day. See what I mean? In convincing myself that I literally had nothing to do with this day, I wasn't able to allowing myself to see the role I played in making this happen. I wasn't examining the ways in which I can create that again. I wasn't SEEING how it all matters, the connections, the conversations, the processes, the tools, the yes's to the intuitive hits. I actually did create that day, and I can create it again, and again, and again when I allow myself to see how I was instrumental in making it happen:
The same is true for you and your wins. Not just your wins, but your gifts. Sure, the world would be fine and remain status quo if you don't own them… we'll go on as-is not knowing the difference… but man, imagine if you did own them. Imagine the ripple that could create. Imagine the fellow soul you could help ignite.. and then imagine what they could do. See what I'm saying? OWN IT. In a world of oh it’s selfish to gloat, to brag, to talk about the good I do we aren’t doing anyone any good. What if being selfish and owning the shit out of your wins was truly the most selfless thing you could be doing? Our wins create a ripple effect beyond our knowing. Own them & create more of them… let your ripple effect create waves. 
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 Hey, you.
I want you to feel so much when you read this message. I want you to feel a bold sense of calm. I want you to feel strong and empowered. I want you to be so ignited that you shut the screen down and go forth with the decision you’ve been working through. I want you to know that you know exactly what is right. I want to remind you of your own strength and intuition. I want you to see you as the resilient being you are. I want you to know that you can do hard things, and that the hardest things in life sometimes create the most light and clarity. So…. To the woman doubting yourself, I see you. To the woman who is finally realizing “I DO have what it takes,” I see you. To the woman tired of being told what to do, I see you. To the woman who is denying herself the true answer of “what do you want?” I see you. To the woman who has no clue of the ripple effect of sharing her gifts with the world, I see you and I HONOR you. What if we all got a little braver? What if we all got a little bit more comfortable with the unknown? What if we started to realize the black of the unknown leads to the brightest light? What if? Honestly, what if? Today I challenge you to play the game of “what if” but not the way you’ve been playing it before. No more asking “what if I fail? What if they think I’m dumb? What if they think I’m too much?” No more playing the game that way. We all lose when we play the game that way. What if (see what I did there?) we played the game a little differently? What if we played the “what if question” where we veer down the path of success and possibility? A new version of "what if" What if I succeed? What if it actually is possible? What if I already have what it takes? What if I shared my truth? What if I could handle the waves that my truth makes? What if I was so good at making decisions? What if I could have everything that I want? What if I already know exactly what I want? What if I allowed myself to dream? Do you feel the difference between the two “what if” games? There’s clearly a version where no one wins, and there’s a version where everyone wins. The cool thing about it is that YOU get to choose the version you play. Every single day you get to decide what version of the “what if” game you play. Today on International Women’s Day I hope you feel the energy in this message. The truth being shared to you from my bones. I hope you allow yourself a moment to let your value sink all the way in, to see your worth is beyond measure and that playing the winning version of "what if" is the ONLY way to go. Knowing your value is a big deal. Knowing your worth doesn’t actually hinge on so much that we tend to think it does is liberating. You are a force. A force to be reckoned with. You are a wild woman with all the gifts that need to be shared. You are YOU and that is magic… absolute, blissful, freakin’ magic. Share this message loud and proud. Share it with the world. Share it with your sisters, whether they’re your family-sisters, friend-sister or soul sisters. May my possibility-mind be so contagious with the world that it inspires at least one woman to fully pounce feet first into her power. Let’s do this.  Encounter #1
Earlier this week I was on a call with a handful of women. It was a scheduled call as a part of a membership community I’m in. In the beginning of the call, the eight or so of us in attendance were just chatting and connecting. One woman is only 1,000 km from Ukraine, the battle field so many of us are distanced from yet very emotionally impacted by. To hear her voice shook me. Not that long ago, she had vibrancy and joy in her voice, and in this call it was very somber. It was hard to understand her as the connection was choppy. That also spoke volumes to me. She said “we are safe physically, but emotionally disturbed.” And yet here she was on this call. Here she was taking a break from her reality to learn about something not at all related to her current situation, and to connect with other women. It was a break, a reprieve from the hardships she is experiencing. Encounter #2 Also, earlier this week I spoke with a woman who lost a dear friend and business support. They were each other's “go to” for questions and celebrations. They were a connection to one another in this often lonely world of entrepreneurship. This person, with a huge gift to share with the world, was hurting & in tears on our call. She was lost. She wasn’t feeling the will to keep going in her work. She simply just didn’t want to. But yet, she does want to keep going so badly, and that’s where the tears came from. "How??" was her question. She has a want to keep going, yet there is a lack of knowing what to do next or how to handle this grief being experienced. She does want to keep her business going, not just for her but also for the legacy of her friend. But sometimes feeling lost can get confused as a lack of desire to keep going. In connecting with her I was flooded with memories of the pain and the lost feeling I felt when my dad passed. There was a huge lack of desire to do anything at all. I flashed back to the days when all I could do was stare out the window and just be in a daze. “How is the world still going on when my world has stopped?” And yet, it still keeps going, it keeps spinning ‘round and ‘round. Eventually I found my way again. Eventually I found my drive. Eventually, I WANTED to be me again. Encounter #3: Another conversation I had this week was with a fellow coach, and was entirely different from the other two shared above. She showed up vibrant, excited and with vigor to move forward. She’s a bold and powerful force. We met for an exciting rebrand and it was a high energy, soul-nourishing conversation of possibility, hope and love for what we both do. Our conversation was all about the future- vibrancy, abundance, joy, desire, FUN, life. It was a light in my day and yet there’s still so much depth within this special encounter. All three of these conversations had a common theme running through them. That theme was resiliency. Resiliency doesn’t always mean that you’re beaten up, tattered and worn down. Resiliency is showing up as YOU, as-is. Resiliency is knowing that sometimes the world is just a dark gray place yet there is so much brightness and color to be shared. I share these three recent encounters in my week to say all this:
This isn’t the time to sit back and hope for happier times to put your dreams into action. This isn’t the time to think that what you do doesn’t matter or to think “who am I to share this with the world?” No. This is the time to double down and to go all in. This is the time that the world needs your light and your gifts more than it ever has. Imagine a world if more people went all in on what they really wanted to do, and showed up fully unapologetic as themselves with all their magnificent gifts on display. It would literally be the best thing ever. Today I dare you, I challenge you. Take a step forward. Do the next right thing to bring your dreams into reality. Why wait? Why not now? The world needs your light and vibrancy. _______ Do you want help and support in doing this? Book a consult today! I'm all about going all in, and I know you can do it too! Welcome to the new year of 2022.
This year I'm leaning into one of my most FAVORITE feelings: curiousity. When I'm curious I'm open to trying, I'm lighter, more playful, unattached and living in the fun land of experiments. "I wonder what it would be like to try." One of the things I'm curious about is to see what would happen if you I shared one courageous belief every day. That would add of to 365 courageous beliefs in a year. That's some big time belief, people! So, here's an insight into what I do. I take a circumstance, and in this instance it's been my 2022 revenue goal (it's a big one for me!) and I ask myself what do I think about this goal. Occassionally, it's not positive, high-belief thoughts. It's more like "who tf do you think you are to dream that big?!" type of thinking. And that's okay. I face it, I get clear with myself about why the heck I live in the land of doubt and disbelief. I also get really honest with myself about what sort of action (or in-action) I taken when I'm in the place. Typically, the actions do NOT lend themselves to my goal. In doing all that I then ask myself, "does this serve me?" Typically the answer is no. From there I go either two routes... I ask myself "How do I want to feel about this goal?" and then once feeling is decided I asked myself "What thought do I need to have in order to create that feeling?" OR I flip the questions. I ask myself "What thought do I need to have in order to achieve this goal?" and then ask myself "How does this thought make me feel?" From there, I then list out all the actions I can take to be in alignment with said thougths and feelings. Make sense? It's a process. It takes time, but I know (and have lived) the payoff is huge! So, that, in a nutshell is how I arrive at the daily thoughts I share. I pick a thought and carry that with me through the day. I let that thought and feeling set the tone for how I live my life that day. Pretty cool right?! If you want to deep dive in how you want to practice this daily in your life, reach out. This is a huge part of my coaching and how I help clients set and achieve their goals as well. Now, let's get to the good part... my first 7 courageous beliefs in 2022. Here they are:
Of these seven thoguths shared: -Which one would you love me to elaborate on most? -Which one are you going to stick in your back pocket to carry with you through life? Living a desire led life means putting feelings before actions. How do I want to feel today? How do I want to feel in this moment? How do I want to feel in my clothes? How do I want to feel during and after this meal? You’re getting the idea, right? You choose your feeling, THEN choose action, clothes, food, words, thoughts, etc. So often we direct our lives by our actions, expectations, obligations, or “shoulds” rather than intentionally showing up and choosing our actions based on our desired feelings. I’m here to tell you that life is too short to be living that way. It’s time to flip the process and ask yourself first, “how do I want to feel?” Then, select actions from there. If doing a complete reversal on your process seems too far fetched, just bringing your feelings to light may be a huge game changer and create a whole new awareness in your life that you’ve never experienced. But, here’s the real, hard truth. If you’re in pursuit of a present, pleasurable and joyful life you must be intentional about your choices, big and small. Your feelings matter. Your feelings are what make up your experience of life. Sometimes we do things that we don’t want to, or things that make us feel tight, restricted, tense or queasy because we have a deep fear of letting others down, of rocking the boat, or perhaps we have a sunk-cost mentality of “well, I’ve been in it for this long, might as well keep going.” But, what if you paused and asked yourself “how do i want to feel?” It may change your life in little ways like the way you dress (which can actually have a significant impact on your life) to what food choices you make (again, this too could be significantly impactful), to whether you decide you keep going to your same ol’ job. Those choices may end up making a big difference in your life. One of the biggest reasons why living a desire-led life matters is because when you do what you want, others benefit. It’s just as much about who you’re being as it is about what you’re doing.  WHAT YOU DO
When you have the courage to step into what you DESIRE to do, others benefit from your actions. Let’s use some of my coaching clients as examples (names changed for anonymity). Shannon leaned into her desire to turn her art work into beautiful earrings. Not only does Shannon get to do something that she loves, she creates an opportunity for others to wear jewelry that completes their outfits, brings them joy or perhaps has deep meaning to them. Another example is Julie, a photographer. She does something she loves; takes photos. And, in turn others get to have beautiful memories or special moments in their life that they get to relive again and again every time they look at a stunning shot that Julie took. Let’s look at me, a life coach, as another example. I leaned into my desire to be a coach. It’s something I love to do, is so much fun and brings me a ton of joy. And you know what? People's lives have changed, and deep-rooted patterns have been uprooted and interrupted. The ripple effect of the work I get to do is far beyond my comprehension. WHO YOU ARE When you do what you want, it impacts who you are being. You show up willing and WANTING to be there. You show up with enthusiasm and joy. You show up with a deeper presence. You’re in the moment you’re in, not being distracted by all the places you’d rather be, or all the things you’d rather be doing. You SHOW Up, period. Everyday I talk to women who have shame around their wants. They’re afraid to get real, raw and true with themselves about what they want. But, when we can start taking small steps daily to check in with what we want and start taking actions on our desires it ever-so-slowly becomes easier and easier to live a life that is full of desire, joy and pleasure So, my tip to you today as you go about making choices is to ask yourself this question first: “How do I want to feel?” OR “How would this make me feel?” It’s a game changer, y’all. And dare I say, I think we’re all ready for a little change around here.
Yes, we work on creating your own systems, checklists and to do’s to get done if that all feels helpful to you. We also lean deeply into YOU, who you are and your desires. It’s not just owning yourself and your gifts, but giving them the respect and boundaries that they deserve. Helping creative entrepreneurs do what they want in a way that they want to is what creates sustainability and longevity in a business, and more importantly in you. This is what not only births your business baby into the world, it’s also what helps it develop into exactly what it’s meant to be. Not only will your business become this beautiful thing you never knew it could be, you’ll also become sufficient in nurturing yourself, your desires, your needs… making YOU the person you never knew you could be. LIFE FIRST, THEN BUSINESS We start with building the business the way we want to around the lifestyle they want to live, not the other way around. We integrate tools to help the creative mind funnel their brilliant ideas into monetizing action while also being able to be present for the big and small life moments. It is the process in which I take my clients through to not only create a business they love, but a life they love as well. Because, if you can’t figure out how to love who you are, and what you are doing, then what is the point? The crazy thing is that no route looks the same. Sure, there are similar themes that come up from client to client, but each person is treated differently. The only thing that deserves a cookie cutter approach is cookies… and this ain't no bakery.  BUSINESS VITALITY BRINGS PLEASURE TO THE FOREFRONT Business Vitality is an identity to a coaching program that was previously nameless. It brings deeper life and meaning to something that has already created immense transformation for my clients. I noticed in myself that the coaches that I chose to be mentored by leaned into the area of intimacy and pleasure. I wasn’t on to my peculiar ways right away. It took some time, reflection and noticing of patterns. “Why am I so drawn to coaches who help with this deeply personal topic? Why do I see this as something to help me as a business coach not only in my own business, but to help my clients in their businesses?” I was perplexed by myself. After investigating, going all in and leaning into my own questions, it came to me. Here’s why I’ve always been drawn to this style of coaching: because your business is a deep and vulnerable outward expression of yourself. It’s putting more than your heart on your sleeve. It’s your beliefs, talents, skills, and gifts all on full display. In addition, entrepreneurship brings up a whole deeper level of doubts, fears, guilt and disbelief. Your past stories about money, work and success all come to life when you start running your own business. It’s uncomfortable. If you can’t be intimate and look those vulnerable things in the eye, then they are going to keep rearing your head in your business and your life. They’re going to continue to call for your attention until you finally give them the space they need. My gift is to help nurture clients through that deep discomfort and to learn to find safety in being themselves. In my work with my mentors and coaches I’ve experienced my own revelation. The biggest one of all is around the word pleasure. I used to see it as a waste of time, frivolous, indulgent, “extra.” Once I started paying attention to the way I would go through my day and life, I realized I was robbing myself of my own joy and pleasure by the way I was rushing from one task to the next, looking to others for approval, and placing massive judgement on others which turned into a mirror of judgement on myself. Bringing this to my own attention was empowering. It reviewed how in control I actually am of the joy & pleasure in my life, business, and days. It has nothing to do with quantity (more, more, more) and everything to do with quality. By quality I mean slowing down and paying attention-- seeing the wins, noticing what actually felt like a “hell yes” and what things I was doing out of obligation. YOU’RE SAFE TO BE YOU & TO BE SEEN (it’s actually a danger to hide) For people to see, witness, be inspired by you can be a really scary thing to do. “What if people don’t buy what I’m making? What if I actually do become successful at this? Do I even know how to handle that? What if I get judged?” These are all sneaky questions that stop us in our tracks of putting our God given gifts out into the world. Judgement of others. It can be paralyzing. My Business Vitality Coaching program doesn’t teach you to brush off the judgements and forge ahead anyway. Instead we face those perceived judgements head-on and little by little we chip away at them so they eventually are the fuel to our flame, not the hose that puts our flame out. We question what we want. We claim it and declare it. We figure out how to become the person who gets what she wants. We take action despite the fears. We speak the truth despite the waves. We create our world as we wish, despite the rules we’ve boxed ourselves in with. We create true belief in the statement “you can have it all.” It’s been a journey to get here, both for myself and my clients. It’s been an honor to serve the amazing souls, business and brands I’ve encountered, and it makes me feel giddy excitement to think about who and what is ahead.  Recently someone asked me to share my beliefs, values and passions outside of my business as they felt it was important to know a coach they’d be working with closely. Truthfully, my personal beliefs and values are also my business values. Perhaps that is what makes me a quirky business coach. Here’s the truth: I’m a mom of two little kiddos, and married to a college baseball coach, so we are in the thick of it all, tantrums, sweet snuggles and all the in-between. I’m passionate about having our kids see their parents get to do what they love everyday. I want my kids to see it’s possible for them because their parents are doing it now. With that said, I also value disconnecting from our work when that is over to have present time with our kids and family. Our present time and attention is powerful. When I’m a present mom, I’m an awesome Mom. When I’m a present wife, I’m an amazing wife. When I'm a present coach, I am an awesome coach. Heck, even when I’m present when making a meal, they sometimes turn out pretty decent. I believe that how we do one thing is how we do everything.. Whether it is in our relationships with others, our relationship with ourself, our relationship with food, our health, our business, etc. Are you getting triggered by something someone else is doing or saying? Perhaps that’s a direct reflection of something in your life or business that you’re avoiding. I believe we are all a little bit afraid of our own potential and that we are actually limitless beings. That can be scary because so often we base our belief on our evidence, like “I’ve actually never had XYZ so I don’t actually know if it’s attainable.” Having your own back is literally the most powerful, freeing and liberating feeling in the world, with a side of sweaty palms, at first. I believe our lives are richer when we can just fully be ourselves, and in doing so we can fully see others as the magic that they are. We hold less judgement if someone is doing something “the right way”, less seeing lack in ourselves and therefore seeing lack in others. When we love the heck out of ourselves, we can love others more fully, and love all of life’s pleasures more fully as well. I’m passionate about creating a calm mind & having presence because it’s the little tiny moments that make our lives truly amazing.  I FOCUS ON LIVING
My dad passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly 5 years ago which has created many profound lessons in my life, influenced the legacy I want to create, offered me the experience of navigating grief, living through trauma, and truthfully it makes me think about death daily. I don’t think about dying, but rather LIVING your life fully alive NOW in this very moment. I also feel that we just know who we are energetically aligned with. We don’t need the resume, list of facts, etc…we just know. There is deep power in our knowing. Our intuition is powerful. And, I bet you just know, too. Another thing that likely makes me a quirky business coach is the number of unpopular opinions that I have. Truth be told, the more I tell people these opinions the more “yassss!” responses I get from people. Yes, yes with an “a,” you know, the kind where people sing it from their soul. Yassss! I'M OPINIONATED I believe you can have it all. Whatever “all” is to you, you can have it. With that thought I also believe there is a misconception that having it all means that we are all places, showing up perfectly at one time. No. For me, having it all is being so in the moment of what you’re doing and being fully present and aware. That can look completely different for some people. I don’t believe that “niching down” can often be the scapegoat of avoiding just putting yourself out there. How can you know who you’re truly helping if you’re not actually helping anyone or telling them you can help them. I don’t believe that your niche is fully decided by you, but rather it evolves and emerges through the people that you work with. When you show up as a person who can help someone, the right people will raise their hands to work with you, and then it’s up to you to pay attention to the themes. You don’t truly define your niche until you start casting your wide net. I believe when you’re fully you, your business will shine brighter than ever before. There is an immense energy backing a person who is showing up exactly as themselves, fully unapologetic. We are all a little afraid to show ourselves fully and to be seen as being yourself is an extremely vulnerable thing to do. To finally rid yourself of the fear of other people’s opinions takes work- deep, deep work. But the rewards? Mmmm… they are everything. I believe that the wrong way to run a business is anyone’s else’s way. Anything done with a big “should” feeling is actually a huge no. You created your own business for a reason, and one of those reasons was to do it your way. So, why let anyone else tell you what to do? We can take input, suggestions and ideas but at the end of the day you are your own authority over your life and business so you get to question “who said?” anytime you start doing something that doesn’t feel right. I believe one conversation can change your life. Hello? That’s why I’m a coach! I believe words are powerful, especially words taken out of your brain and spoken to someone who is fully listening and holding space for you. Just the mere act of someone asking you “why?” or “what do you want?” can truly be the catalyst for someone making a decision they’ve been stumbling over for a long time, or it can interrupt years of a false truth holding them back. I believe the hardest things in life are actually happening FOR you. This one stung for a long time when I first realized it. “You mean to tell me that my Dad dying happened FOR me? You mean to tell me that XYZ (insert your toughest thing you’ve ever lived through) happened FOR me?” Yes, it’s a tough one to swallow and truthfully I’m still digesting it. However, this thought alone has helped carry me through obstacles big and small. It allows me to step back and ask “what is this experience really trying to tell me?” I believe that the morning routine is overrated…what about the night before? Seriously, we put the morning routine on a pedestal, but how do you prepare for the morning? The night before. I believe when we approach our work and life with curiosity is when we have the most fun. I always tell my clients that curiosity is my favorite feeling. Take the sentence “I don’t know where to start” for example. When associated with the feeling of overwhelm, we freeze. However, when we choose to feel curiosity, that daunting sentence now becomes a playground. “If I did know where to start, what would I do first?” Can you feel the shift? I believe people place too much value in finding the right system to bring their business to the next level. Yes, systems are amazing to utilize and great tools to implement into your business, and you’re only as good as the systems you use. So, if you’re not working on you, creating absolute belief in yourself, your product and your clients or customers then the system won’t take you near as far as it could. I believe we will all truly do what we want. If we want to leave the job we will find a way out. If we want to stay, we will create ways to stay. In my opinion, the great recession was inevitable. I also support the belief that “people don’t leave their job, they leave their boss,” however, what’s not taken into consideration is that people will also say yes to their dreams and that has nothing to do with their boss. This is me, this is who I am, this is what makes me the quirky business coach. Want to hang out? Grab a spot on my calendar and let’s talk about your quirks: https://calendly.com/livewellwithkell/30-minute-coffee-chat
For the longest time that has been something that has held me back. “If I can’t follow this plan, will I ever be able to follow any?” Queue the feelings of frustration, hopelessness and well… like someone (me!) blew out the flicker of a flame that was within. Some time ago I made the decision to stop living my life feeling forced. In making that decision, I’ve had to step back and investigate those things that make me feel like I’m trudging through the mud. I want sharing my Messy Entrepreneurial journey to feel effortless, purposeful and intentional. If that means removing the rules then so be it. The path in doing so may not be clean, straight and linear. So today you’re experiencing the messy entrepreneur in real time. You are witnessing the magic of slowing down and listening. You are seeing first-hand what happens when one is actively in the decision of “I will only do what lights me up, and be at peace with what no longer does.” Today I’m breaking my own rules that I thought I “should” set for myself. These rules were set up as a plan for me to follow and the beautiful thing that emerged from them is that I started. Then.. the rules stopped working. So, I’m busting them. My new rule is that there are no rules. I started sharing my journey and this new truth in me was revealed… it’s okay to share the messy entrepreneur journey in a messy way. I’m not sure when you can expect the next blog post, or even what it will be about. But what I can promise is this:
Embrace who you are, fully. Messy or neat, you are beautifully made. Journal questions:
Share it with me. I’ll listen, I’ll hold space, I’ll hear it and see it… because, I see YOU, I hear YOU, I love YOU. YOU GOT THIS. That’s what coaching is like with me. We set a goal and we work toward achieving it… but if something starts to feel off on your journey we create space to step back and investigate. No more pushing through, no more “shoulding” all over your process, no more half-ass showing up to systems. That’s where the magic lies. That’s where the results are made. Are you ready to make easy-feeling progress toward your goals? Then reach out. Let’s book a Focus Forward Session today. If you’re saying there’s no such thing as an “easy-feelling progress” then you definitely ought to book a session. Something about that triggers you… and that’s awesome. Let’s dig in and investigate that.  Aren’t we all mood eaters?!
Some of us just approach it different... approach it as a negative. What if it didn’t have to be that way? What if being a mood eater is a great thing?? Let me explain.... You can either be a REACTIVE MOOD EATER or a PROACTIVE MOOD EATER. What does a "reactive mood eater" sound like? “Ugh. When I’m stressed I just neeeeeed chocolate & crunchy salty chips. They’re totally my weakness and I have to have them now. I’m so bad at eating healthy... I’ll never be able to figure this out. I do so so good & then my kid is sick so I get no sleep & craaaave candy all day.” What does a "proactive mood eater" sound like? “How do I want to feel today?” Then... they plan, from a neutral state. Not stressed, not anxious, not starving, not stuffed “I want to feel energized, so for my next meal I’m going to have xyz because I know when I have this it makes me feel good. I also know when I eat abc it makes me feel sluggish.” 👊🏼WE ARE ALL MOOD EATERS 👊🏼 Which side of the coin do you want to be? Proactive or reactive? 💥Join me June 7th for my next bootcamp. I am going to help YOU find that confidence and energy I know you have. I am going to teach you how to DO IT SIMPLE! I get the struggle. I LIVE the struggle. But, together we can overcome it! Get immediate access today!
Fast forward to health class when we were talking about cancers of the reproductive organs. One of the symptoms was extended periods of time of having no period. Woah. The lightbulb went off for me… I hadn’t had a cycle in about a year. Insert freaking out thoughts. “Omg I have cancer. Omg I’m going to die. What am I doing?” (I thank Mr. S’s textbook curriculum for waking me up.) This introduced another day of me going home crying to my mom, this time telling her that we need to go to the doctor. I didn’t tell her the whole story this time. I didn’t clue her in to all the ways I was starving my body… I just told her I was scared. So… that day I changed. I started eating more. But it wasn't just that simple… that one day didn’t create the new version of me that lived happily ever after. Instead, it started something new. Here I was eating more and I was GAINING WEIGHT FAST. Between my junior and senior year of high school I gained 40 lbs. I went from the skinniest version of me to the heaviest version of me. I was embarrassed, ashamed and felt like I was in 2nd grade all over again. I couldn’t control myself and I was so so ashamed. I was in hiding. I would wait until my parents went to bed to make the biggest, yummiest, best bowl of ice cream right before bed. Oooh it was SO GOOD. Then, I’d feel terrible about myself. But that didn’t stop the binge eating choices. Sure I had it “under control” when I was with people. But put me alone in a room with cookies or chips + top the tater and I went to town. Salty or sweet… I wasn't picky. I loved it all. I remember the first time I threw up after eating. Honestly, my stomach couldn’t handle what I put into it. It was way too much. So, I made myself throw up. I felt better… but still pretty terrible. This continued on and on. I never labeled myself as bulimic because it wasn’t all the time, and I didn’t lose weight doing it. I also never labeled myself anorexic during the time when I barely ate a thing… because, again… I had my own exceptions to these definitions. Fast forward to college and it started to get a little better. I had no interest in puking in a public dorm restroom so that ruled that out, and I knew that NOT eating wasn’t an option anymore… so that was also ruled out. But, I just couldn’t get the weight off. I was getting better at making healthy food choices, I was getting better at working out consistently in a way that felt good… but still… no changes. So, I bought Hydroxycut. Anyone remember those commercials? I hid them in my dresser drawer in my dorm room. I took them most days for a few weeks… but again… nothing was changing. I was stuck. In buying those pills (which I threw away the majority of) I knew there wasn’t anything “out there” that was going to help me. If I wanted to change I knew I needed to 1) do it “the hard way” and not rely on quick fixes anymore, 2) be cool with who I was right now, as is. The mess I was in high school and college still to this day makes me feel sad. Not just for me, but for all the other girls who were in the same secret shoes as me. Today, I feel good. Today, as a mother of two I have put in the mental work to make the physical work results neutral… whether I’m my leanest or my largest I’m more accepting of ME than I have ever been. I'm glad I was forced to put in the work as it has helped me connect with so many other women who have also felt alone, ashamed and unhealthily obsessed. I'm glad that it has helped me find a way out for good. You CAN stop the battle against yourself. Giving your body the love it deserves is like what you’re NOT. The process of doing that may feel extremely uncomfortable... but trust me when I say it is so worth it. Trust me when I say I can help you navigate the discomfort of battling your body once and for all. Journal questions:
I'm here to help. What is a mess you're hiding from? What is something you so badly want to be doing with your time, but feel pulled to be doing all the other things? Let's talk. Set up a free breakthrough session with me so we can help you start living fully alive once and for all!
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