​Not too long ago I told my girlfriend my husband + I are 'the best we've ever been...
 
Then proceeded to tell her about the argument we just had. 
 
Here's why one argument doesn't create conflict like it used to 👇🏼
👉🏼👉🏼 It’s letting go that it's a personal attack on you. ⚡️


Our life will never be void of friction. True thriving lies is in how you handle those moments & having your back through it all. 
 
I’ve been a “victim” most of my life (this quiz confirmed that I did, in fact, have a high victim saboteur), therefore pretty much all of our marriage. I was a pro at making every  argument & every moment he was on his phone mean something about me.
 
☕️ This created mornings of barely speaking after going to bed upset.
🌙 Waking up feeling unsettled because I'd said something below the belt.
💤 Showing up exhausted in my work (because of the above) getting barely anything crossed off my to-do list. 
 

Here’s what’s “better than ever” about us today: 

🗓The gap between our arguments/misunderstandings are bigger… less often. 

⚡️The time spent IN the yuck is shorter. No longer is a whole entire day lost. 

🌶 They’re spicy - not always the same flavor. This to me is huuuuge progress because for years -- I’m talking YEARS -- our arguments followed the same patterns, same rhythms, same triggers. 


🪞And this “better than ever” stage of our marriage is 100% reflective of my own relationship with myself (because “us” begins with “u”… to have a better “us” it starts with “u” 😉)
 

⚡️My times of doubting myself in my business  are fewer and farther between.
⚡️ I’ve stopped stomping around the house putting away the laundry and dishes  while simultaneously saying “I’m fine…. It’s fine…”
⚡️My time spent IN the dumps is shorter (and much more nourishing) 

⚡️And I’ve finally realized him being on his phone (or whatever it was that triggered me) didn’t mean he didn’t want to spend time with me ( I finally closed the loop on that victim-pattern was making me annoying to myself) 
 
So what does that have to do with running your own business?
 
Everything. 


 
Because to be an entrepreneur, especially in the online world,  is to be vulnerable… as vulnerable, if not more, as you are with your partner. With that may come occasional friction, tough moments, crappy feedback and victim patterns that you didn’t know were there. Your business is simply the catalyst to you meeting your next level you…. And therefore your relationships becoming next level “us.” 

 
As a coach, I can help you make things like:
 🦋 the lack of engagement on your posts
🦋 other person’s comments & opinions
🦋 how many people signed up for your masterclass
🦋 how much your partner is at work or on his phone, etc. mean NOTHING about you. 
 
 It’s the most freeing way to live (and it opens up the best business & marriage you’ll ever have 😉) 

This weekend I ran to a local boutique in my mom's town to pick up a Christmas gift. After I grabbed what I needed I wandered a bit more, and there it was. A hat. THE hat. I tried it on. Immediate love. A hat has never made me feel more alive… ever. Upon trying it on I texted my husband very specific directions as to how to make this hat mine for Christmas. (practicing discipline here, people!) He called me and said “Get the hat. It can be a Christmas present if you want it to be… but just get the hat. You love it. You want it. Buy it.”  This hat was a full-body, absolute rock-my-world hellzzz yes! 
 
It was 100% in alignment with the concept: if it's not a hell yes, it's a no. 
 
I love that concept, it's right and fitting in so many ways…. and yet it's also way too simplified. 
 
Some of the best yes's in my life have actually looked a little bit more like this: 
“Omg no way. I can't. No. Absolutely not. Damn it. Fine. Yes.” 
 
That, my friends, it called resistance. Sometimes we are handed an idea or opportunity that actually scares us and initially feels like a no. We are resistant to it. Why? Because it will knock us out of our cozy comfort zone. But your comfort zone is actually your slow death. It's where complacency lives. It's where fine becomes good enough. Eventually, staying within your comfort zone becomes a whole lot scarier than stretching outside of it.
 
Here are some examples some NOT hell yes's in my life:

• Creating Founder Magazine.  It wasn't a hell yes for me immediately. It was a no. It was more like a wtf? where did this idea come from? kind of no. Then… surrender. Yes. I had to say yes.
• Becoming a published author by writing a chapter in an anthology book.  I was asked to design a book cover for a writing coach's project. That was an absolute YES. Then she asked me if I wanted to write a chapter. Immediate NO. Absolutely not. Then, it shifted into another “okay fine… yes.” I knew I had a story in me to share, and yet I was so afraid of what it would require of me to write it. Turns out, writing that opened up a whole world inside of me.

These two creative endeavors were not something I was seeking, nor were they easy. But, they were right.  Was the timing perfect? Nope. Typically never is. Was I ready? No…but I didn't need to be. They were the right next opportunity presented on my path, even though initially upon hearing them I felt a deep resistance. 
 
I share this with you to just remind you — sometimes our best YES's actually don't feel like a hell yes. Sometimes our best yes's feel more like “omg no, I can't. Damn it. Fine. Yes. I'll do it.” 
 
My tip: Honor those instant absolute yes's AND also be on to yourself… be curious about the no's that want to be a yes. You know exactly the no's I'm talking about. ;)
 
Side note: The book Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes is a great read that supports this. 
 
This week, I challenge you… say yes more than no. Say yes to the things that freak you out a little bit. And then, in a week, 6 months, a year… whenever… tell me what you said yes to and how it changed you in the best way possible. 
 

Beware of people who get mad about Taylor Swift.

You know who I’m talking about… from those who passively roll their eyes with a “whatever” to those who have a fiery passion of “omg I can’t stand her!”

Why?  For they are likely the very people who will have something to say when you step into bigness too. They’re the ones who will be the people thinking all the judgemental thoughts you’ve been so afraid of people thinking about you:

Who does she think she is?
She’s so attention-seeking.
She’s changed. 
What happened to her? 
…. The list goes on.

To see this is to free yourself from the fear of this. 
To accept “yeah, they’ll probably judge me as I grow too” is actually freeing, not stifling.

Because you know you. And you know that when you step into your bigness it’s not like you’re TRYING to seek attention or all those things you’re afraid of…
No.
What happens is you become magnetizing… and more attention likely veers your way.  It’s not something you can control or run away from. It simply just is.

It’s not your job to control who sees it or to control what they think about it.

When you’re SO you, you’re actually thoughtless. And that is it…. That’s the magnet. Seeing a person just so into LIFE is mesmerizing.

You are screaming “I’ll have what she’s having” vibes. And that can feel so weird for other people… but you’re so into what you’re having that you don’t even notice their discomfort with your comfort of who you are, and enjoyment of what you have.

You're into your partner, you’re into the music, you’re into the food, you’re into the book you’re reading, you’re into your friends, you’re into your business, you're into that beautiful image reflecting back to you in the mirror, you’re into your LIFE.

This makes me think of my dad. He was who he was through and through. The man did what he did without giving two hoots about what other people thought. And the line at his funeral was out the door…..

Turns out Tom & Taylor have a lot in common-- they’re both magnetic and utterly unaware of it all (in the most freeing way possible).

Here’s the secret sauce to you releasing the fear of other people’s judgments:

You're not going to control what they think. 
But you can also see the clues. 
Pay attention to the people around you. 
The ones who are hating on Tay Tay may likely hate on you when you rise up too. 
And the ones who are all about her… they’re going to cheer you on too. 
See that now. Know it, be okay with it, and then move forward (toward the lovers, not the haters, I might add).

While I don’t claim myself as a Swiftie, I am all about it. I’m intrigued and I’m here for it. And I’ll be there for you too.  You’re rising to T-Swift status and you can count me in your corner as one of the peeps cheering you on. ​

Letting Go of Expectations: One of the first things I had to release was the burden of living up to others' expectations. I realized that in order to truly thrive, I needed to embrace my authentic self and let go of the need to conform. By shedding the weight of societal expectations, I was able to tap into my true potential and radiate my unique brilliance.

Letting Go of Fear: Fear has often been a roadblock on my entrepreneurial path. However, I have come to understand that fear is not a stop sign but merely a speed bump. Instead of allowing fear to paralyze me, I have learned to acknowledge its presence and use it as a catalyst for growth. By embracing fear as a part of the process, I have been able to move forward with courage and determination.

Letting Go of Isolation: In the early stages of my business, I often felt isolated and alone. However, I soon realized the importance of connection and community. By seeking out like-minded individuals and building a network of support, I have been able to find inspiration, guidance, and a sense of belonging. Letting go of isolation has allowed me to thrive in a collaborative and empowering environment.

Letting Go of the Need for Constant Comfort: As a business owner, I have learned that growth often requires stepping outside of my comfort zone. I had to let go of the belief that everything should always feel good. Embracing discomfort and pushing through challenging situations has been instrumental in my personal and professional development. By choosing growth over comfort, I have been able to achieve remarkable results and unlock new levels of success.

Letting Go of Allowing Feelings to Drive the Bus: In the past, I allowed my emotions to dictate my decisions. However, I have come to realize that I am not my feelings. Instead of being a passenger to my emotions, I have taken control of the wheel. By acknowledging my feelings without letting them control me, I have become a more empowered and intentional business owner. This shift has allowed me to make decisions based on logic, strategy, and long-term vision.

Letting go has been a transformative process on my journey as a business owner. By releasing expectations, fear, isolation, the need for constant comfort, and allowing my feelings to drive the bus, I have experienced tremendous growth and fulfillment. As you embark on your own entrepreneurial path, I encourage you to reflect on these aspects and consider what you may need to let go of in order to reach your full potential. Embrace the power of letting go and watch as your business and personal life flourish.

Do you love this post? Dive into Episode # 30 of the What If Podcast called "What If Letting Go Makes You The Best Business Owner?"

In the last year or so I’ve dabbled with “sober curiosity.” In other words, I discovered why I drink when I do, that sometimes I really don’t feel like it, how much feels okay to consume and how often, and the things I do for the sake of “fitting in.” 

I’m not 100% sober nor do I intend to declare that I will be.
I'd say more along the lines of 90% is. 

What I am now is 100% in control of my choices.
Now when I have a glass of wine I have it because I WANT it, and not to go along with the crowd. I choose the WHOLE experience… not just the in-the-moment beverage, but all that I know comes along with choosing to drink or not drink.
 
I've also found, just like coffee, it's the first sip I love the most. And then the rest is extra. Knowing that has revealed to me it's not necessarily the alcohol I want to consume, but rather the flavor. 
Last week I was an event with a networking happy hour to follow. Wine, cocktails & mashed potato bar (yess  yumm!) to end the day.

Seeing the line to get the drinks paired with the 1.5 hours drive ahead of me only reinforced that I already felt like — to not drink.  I just wasn't feelin' a glass of wine. 

So I chose not to, and I comfortably socialized with those who were & were not choosing to have drinks.

It felt so good.
It FEELS so good to be in this place of “I can if I want to, but I don’t have to.”

Then, on my drive home my husband called - there was a toddler tumble down some steps, so straight to the ER I went to meet up with my crew. It was a scary call to get. Update: all is good— just extra precautions & peace of mind.

​In that moment, sitting with my little lady waiting to get checked out I was so glad to feel clear. I felt grateful for choosing.  I am fully taking the reigns in choosing how I want to experience life - the fun days and the unplanned crisis moments of life.

I won’t lie and say that it’s all been easy. There's been some denial on my path, as well as some really interesting patterns brought to life. It takes awareness and with that awareness comes work & intentionality.

I want to let you know that it’s okay to experiment. And it’s oh so freeing to remember there are always options - “I could but I don’t have to” has been my favorite sentence of 2023 & alcohol has been my biggest flex in practicing that.

Do you want to take back control of your decisions? I can help you with that. If I’ve navigated this with one of my favorite beverages - wine - then I’m confident we can help you with all that comes along your path, too.

Short answer: Shift from dreamer to do-er. 

Long Answer: This blog post below. Read on: & get happier! 

Right now you're likely generating a lot of really awesome ideas &  that feels exciting to you. They're lighting you up & giving you this dopamine hit. And that's about as far as it goes. 

When it comes to the action & execution - the how - you freeze. You don't move forward. Why? Because you're so exhausted from your idea excitement that you don't have any actual energy left to do.

However, when you allow yourself space and time each day to get clear on what it is you really want to create - and actually slow down the process rather than just straight to excitement - you have an even great ability to create, and in turn have a bigger dopamine hit because you become a person who isn't just lit up with ideas, but instead becomes completely satisfied with what they have brought to life. 

This is where Flourish comes in. It's a 3-step proven process that I walk people through in Founder, a self-paced 30 day journey where you allow yourself space and time to fill in the blank for: "I am the Founder of _____."

It's process that brings you from being a constant idea junkie to instead letting ideas come and go without attachment to the outcome. Then over 30 days, you'll see themes for yourself and it will become so clear on exactly what you'll take action on.  And I'm not talking start & start again action... I'm talking action where you're aligned deeply with the purpose and vision that you won't want to stop taking action  it until it's complete. Perhaps, for the first time in your life, you won't be a person who quits on yourself, and that is the hugest dopamine hit ever. That is where your character is built. 


Founder is something to be experienced, not explained, just like the satisfaction that comes along with being a person who finishes what they started- a person who creates something from nothing. 

There is magic inside the formula. And when you stop exhausting all your energy from constantly starting and stopping ideas and instead become clear of like the bigger  picture & vision, that is when you get to become so proud of yourself. 


You get to sit back and marvel. You get to say "yeah, I did that." 

Maybe you are feeling good right now as not being the founder because you're getting ideas and these ideas are fun.  But what if you could feel even better by delaying your dopamine and allowing yourself to actually execute an idea that you have and bring it to life,?

That is bold, and that is what you are capable of if you desire to become the founder.

​podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-mcintee/episodes/17--FOUNDER-What-if-youve-been-committed-to-the-struggle-of-staying-small-e25laji

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