THE ONE WHERE SHE WORRIED ABOUT HER WEIGHT IN 2nd GRADE

It was 2nd grade and we had a project for science. It was something about our bodies and we had a sheet to fill out where we measured our height and weight. While I don’t remember all the details, I do remember the strategy I used in picking my partner, and all the feelings that would follow.   I also remember wanting to literally run away from the class... I so desperately did not want to weigh myself.  

At this stage in my life weight wasn’t really relative to me, but I did know I was bigger than many of my classmates therefore assumed my weight would be much higher.  Except for one girl… Jackie… I picked her as my partner in this project because I thought for sure I wouldn't weigh more than her, or at least we’d be the same.  

It came time to step on the scale.  

She stepped on the scale first. Then, I stepped on the scale.  I remember my number was higher than hers and had three digits when hers only had two. 

I was mortified.  I didn’t cry right there in that moment, but I remember it well.  I did go home and cry that night.  I cried and cried and cried. 

SECOND GRADE AND I CRIED ABOUT WHAT I WEIGHED. 

How sad is that? 

It’s sad, but it’s the truth. That moment forward shifted my focus towards all things weight and body image. As young as 2nd grade, I was so self conscious of the skin I lived in.  When my worries should have been about what books to read, how to stay King in 4-Square and what my favorite colors were... there I was thinking about being fat. 

This desire to help people feel good in their body didn’t just start in my adult life.  It’s been my life always. 

My mom tried her best to comfort me.  She really did.  But nothing could.  I was fat, and I hated it. 

Again, I remind you.... SECOND GRADE. 

My heart breaks for that little girl me.  It breaks for that little girl you.  It breaks for the little girls today. 

I’m also thankful for that little girl me, though.  It’s led me to this today.  It’s led me to being extremely intentional in the compliments I give my kids and other little kids.  It’s led me to knowing exactly how you feel.  It’s led me down some really ugly, ugly paths and also to some really amazing and beautiful ones.  It's led to me figuring out how to move my body in a way that feels good, and how to look at food as fuel. 

It’s led me to nourishing my body rather than filling it with junk. It has taught me about how to eat. It has shown me empathy.

That 100+ pound second grader isn’t a small part of me… she is me, the woman I am today.  But she’s stronger, happier & more accepting now.  She's wiser. 


I’ve been there.  I feel you.  I see you.  I know the heart inside of you is so much more beautiful and amazing than any numbers we see on a scale. YOU are amazing whether you’re 120 pounds or 320 pounds.  ​

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​Journal questions: 

1. Was there ever a part of you that you wanted someone else to be just a little bit worse at than you? Let’s dish. Talk about it.
2. What are some areas in your life where you have always struggled? 
3. What are the good things that have come from that? 

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